i did not fall in love
with poetry
because of textbooks.
an a plus student,
excellent in german,
lit and history,
could not bear the idea
of studying a poet’s
second-hand misunderstandings.

it was a summer
filled with cigarette smoke
and borrowed crushes —
my godmother’s nephew
with his band tees
and cheekbones
that lit the spark
against my will.

fifteen going on tragic,
the air thick with heat,
through the windows
he blasted music,
'ordinary disappointments',
screaming vulgarities,
the really bad kind
that me at thirteen
shouldn’t have known about.

during those months
those lyrics
lived in the back of my mind,
especially when the sun fell,
leaving only
the deep indigo of the night.

after summer ended
and he went back home,
i still carried a piece of him
as if he were my own shadow,
and the gateway drug
of obscene lyrics
and songs about józsef attila
intoxicated me.

i still believe
those blistering weeks
forged my taste
for poetry.

We slept together

sometimes, he liked that, although --


I kept my distance.

My heart danced every shift
Every hour of our work
This friendship born form a myth
On a timetable-
Ready to be clocked in

I was down further than-
Just being down on your knees
I was six feet deep
This all was when we met

You might've never know
The impact you had on my soul
Life flashing by like a still full
Why is it after all these months

I still regret the way we never talked
I was committed to someone
Who wasn't you, and yet it was nice
A friendship ready to bloom

It felt like you say me
With all the colors and hues
And yet you said, let me unpack
And sit back, with a coffee

Watch this woman love life
And fall back in love with it
Right beside my own heart
That's stopped beating when-
She blocked my number

And maybe you were never mine,  
not even in kindness,  
but for every shift we stayed late  
I healed within the silence,  
while your voice reminded me  
how worth showing up I still was

Even when work would drive me crazy
When you showed up I knew
That life didn't have to sit still
Even when after I left- you,
You never left, me.

it still hurts.
your memory’s radioactive.
it’s no use thinking about
how much i lost
as the script of my life kept rolling.

you caught me as i fell,
i was searching for a way out,
and found you instead.
but reaching for you
only pulled me deeper down.

looking back is hard.
toxic dust i breathed in,
a chemical romance
that burned through my lungs,
your atmosphere seeping into everything.

maybe fate turned kinder
the moment i left.
what i might have become
is folded quiet,
neatly kept.

but it still stings.
not the loss — the time i can’t reclaim.
you weren’t a lesson.
you were a delay.

so take the version of me
you once believed.
i won’t ask fate for mercy,
nor beg time to rewind.
i’m done with your ghosts
that never tried.

[  ] We didn’t date,
[  ] Yet you tell people we did.
[  ] We hardly even talked,
[  ] yet you act like we spent our lives together
[  ] As if i left without a word
[  ] Except there were words
[  ] You just didn’t listen.

[  ] Now you ask them why I left,
[  ] like there was something to leave to begin with.
[  ] Like I held your hand, whispered promises,
[  ] let you in—
[  ] when all I did was exist near you.

[  ] You get your friends to interrogate me,
[  ] like I owe them answers.
[  ] Like I owe you anything at all.
[  ] They ask what happened,
[  ] why I “broke your heart,”
[  ] but I didn’t realize you had given it away to begin with.

[  ] You follow me through halls,
[  ] a shadow I never asked for.
[  ] Standing just close enough to remind me
[  ] that you don’t know how to let go.
[  ] That you can’t take silence as an answer.

[  ] And when I talk to my friends,
[  ] there you are, lingering,
[  ] Like a shadow creeping into spaces where you were never meant to be.
[  ]  A ghost desperate to haunt something that was never yours.

[  ] It’s almost funny,
[  ] how someone I barely knew
[  ] can’t seem to untangle themselves from me.
[  ] How someone I never loved
[  ] Plays the victim in a story that was never finished to begin with.

[  ] I have loved you all since the day we first met
[  ] And no matter what I say, I will always love you
[  ] I love and admire you all in a way that no one understands
[  ] In a way even I don't fully understand

[  ] It's a tie that's woven from laughter and tears
[  ] From late-night conversations and all of our unspoken fears
[  ] But it's a bond that's strong and true
[  ] And I am so grateful to know all of you

[  ] Though this bond is still unfolding, its depth I can already see
[  ] A sibling-like love, forged in a short time, yet was clearly always meant to be
[  ] We bicker and argue, I annoy you, you annoy me
[  ] But hidden within our chaos, our friendship shines bright and carefree

[  ] In the stillness of the night, we'd talk for hours on end
[  ] Late-night FaceTime calls, our connection won't ever bend

[  ] We'd laugh, we'd joke, and share our hearts
[  ] And in those moments, I know that our friendship will never fall apart
[  ] Through every twist and turn, our friendship will remain
[  ] A constant in the chaos, a love that's always the same

[  ] We'll navigate life's journey, side by side,
[  ] You'll be the aunties and uncles who spoil my kids, who tell them stories of our past
[  ] Our travels , the drama, the inside jokes and all of  the happy parts
[  ] A constant presence in our lives, a love that carries on through all of our hearts

[  ] As we start our own futures and begin to build our own families, a lifelong bond we'll for all time share
[  ] no matter what happens i will always be there
[  ] In each other's love and support, we'll forever have a place to call our own
[  ] Forever connected, forever family, forever at home.
[  ] We are in this world together and as long as we have each other, I know we will never be alone.

the words "i love you" rolled off my tongue
we had only been together for 2 months when i said it
he was shocked and so was i

as the months had passed we got closer and closer
we said "i love you" so many times and still do
but instead of him or i saying "i love you too"
we just say "i love you"

the word "too" means in addition or also
i don't love him in addition to him loving me
he doesn't love me in addition to me loving him

we love each other for who we are
not because of our bodies or money
not because he's attractive or he thinks i'm attractive too
we love each other for who we are

we are teen lovers
we want to get married to each other
have our own children together
grow old together
die together

that is our love.