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neth jones Sep 23
.
got to save up to earn a slower death
a more palatable   and rewarding one
medically attended
               cribbed comfy
'won't you cheer me on to the afterlife ?'
.
got to pave my way to a dosing oblivion
whilst my bowls void into clear bags        
with measure marks down the sides
and my muscles lack and sag            
and distress is stretched
                      for all those who may dare pay me a visit
'won't you cheer me on to the afterlife ?'
.
gotta have that great white death    
gotta have clean    clean paperwork
by the book   shuffle off .. no ..
drip off.. good to the last drop
                                        rattle breath and plop
'here's to the afterlife'
.
22/07/25 original version / few changes made
When walking down a busy road,
I saw everyone follow a line untold.
That line never was there,
But remained as the only thing fair.

Since then I see lines again
And again in one place or two.
A seat, coordinated for every little grain,
And none, ever, misplaced in the cue.

In buildings anew, among flocks and mass
Lines cast a shadow to view, a petite lash.

Sometimes they shift on their own, in quiet,
But change the crux of the heavy watch.
The line was never there before,
Yet I seem to see it anywhere and whole.

The line never remains the same,
It's just drawn in a wiggle, a bit unfair—
With no aesthetic in mind to tame,
It even contradicts its defining lair.

Yet, the system lies in this indecisive string,
That's unable to even tighten its own being.
An irony to the worldly rules,
Linear confusions jolt its screws.
We struggle against the system only to lean towards it again. An irony to the whole being.
I, sunny semloh, am not a real person.
i am a figment, a fragment, a pigment, an attachment.
i am not a functioning body, i am a peace of a mind
i am not a full brain, i am whats behind.
i am not a full human, but a simple thought
a piece of someone, that others forgot.
i am not a real person, i am simply not
i cannot be perfect, i am filled with rot
s.s.
I think it was always going to be sunny
I think we knew it from the start
One of the first
A character
Created to take care
To make sure
And it started
With a song.

"You are my Sunshine"
She would sing
From the very beginning
Before the accident
Before the hurt
Before Him.

"My only Sunshine"
She rubs our back
Lulling me to sleep on that old old leather couch.
The quilt and lace blanket covering my tiny body.

"You make me happy"
I loved her, I thought
I had no clue what love was
Love was required she taught me
I loved everyone then
There was no bad in my life.

"When skies are grey"
The wind howled outside her old house, the windows creaking
I was with Nana
I didn't care.

"You'll never know dear, how much I love you"
There it is again, love
So why didn't I feel it?

"Please don't take my sunshine away."

I think that was how sunshine was created
Made
Came into existence
She was made after Nana
Made into a caretaker

Thank you sunny
cleo Jun 4
turn back the clocks, rewind it
there's something else behind this
not that hard to find it
but hard enough to fight it
i am the strength, the saftey, the fear.
i stay close, always near.
the one they call when things go wrong
the silence hurts, their screams a song.
the body aches, battered bruised
couldve been simple, had he refused
you
all those nights ago.
but he didnt know.
i keep them alive.
let the body thrive.
system poems part 1
wasnt any reason for me to lie.
the scars and bruises where they lie
why on earth do you doubt
why do you push and shove and shout

selfishly sick is what i be
the trauma fake? oh honestly!
i let it happen
i hurt myself
i do it all
and don't ask for help

i am failing critically
i am sick, selfishly.

i let you laugh
i let you lie
i kiss my "normal" life goodbye.
i let my thoughts
dissipate
let the next person take my place

if i lied for over a year
wouldnt that make the truth everclear?
foggy memories swirling endlessly

we are sick, selfishly

-yjp
a poem about our mother not being able to accept our disorder.
(dx)
cleo Jan 14
it neither killed me,
nor made me stronger,
it did a third thing

~

got angels and devils sitting on my shoulders, in my ears
these different parts of me— you’ve seen them through the years

i live in fragments
i'm never whole
it's not the life i thought i'd lead
at least it's never ******* dull

i lost my head
found these instead
and never felt quite like 'me' again

even when i’m alone
i’m never lonely

~

i hear the voices
from the inside out
oh stop; i recognize that look you're giving me:
"why keep it hidden from us until now?"

i don't recall much from after ten years old
let’s call that 'brain rot'
lost memories of repeat awful happenings
that i still don't know if i deserved or not (you didn’t)(x2)


the only one who ever truly knows what's going on is you
cleo Dec 2022
there’s somethin funny going on up in this house
check the front, now the windows, see? the lights are out
no one’s home, just us voices, extra extroverted noises
just the other people in your head making you regret your choices
it’s just us bonus mouths to feed and sometimes hands to hold
we hope you hear us when we say this covert thing is getting kinda old
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