Rusted green,
Blood drops gleam
Drip by drip.

My lust is important.

"Wait."
Why wait?

God is watching.
Staring down.
Never blinking.
Hearing every sound.

So close your eyes and
Take a deep breath.
It all disappears when you're deep
In darkness.
So fall a little deeper,
Sink a little faster,
It shouldn't take long
And how much harm can a few minutes do?

Eyes are sunken.
Eyes are soar.
So agitate and play a little more
Until I am satisfied.
Is it ever enough?
Let's make it darker,
Make it more rough.
These are the good stuff.

Wait! Wait!
God is watching,
Staring down!
I can't hide under the covers when
Everything is see-through.
But how much harm can a few minutes do?

Oh isn't he sweet? Isn't he lovely?
Never wants anything to harm me.
Let me just break a small promise,
I swear I'm a little sorry.
What is God willing to do
For these minutes I choose to spend?
As long as blood remains under the skin,
Shouldn't it be okay in the end?

Vanished
no traces of "me" can be found
silence in its simplicity
echoes beyond a starless night
stillness with its depths
fills all movement in daylight
and I cannot find myself separate to it
I am no where
and everywhere I can and cannot see
here, now
always this moment
I am outside of time and time itself
I am empty space and all that seems to fill it
and yet,
I remain ungraspable

An unguarded joy washes over me
as I recognize my Self in you
I can no longer contain the love
that I have, that I am, that I so deeply wish to share with you
In that, I have but one desire,
for you to recognize your Self in me too

A dream where my mother's blood was spilled
Only for I to be drawn forth
by horrifying angels
Asking only to take their hand
But be drawn back into the darkness
Into a comforting embrace
Telling me to only come back to this place
After I've chosen

But to no longer have counsel in this world
And having no knowledge of my options
or the consequences that may befall me
From a mistake
such as this
Is a cruel choice to have to make

Could this be
a Second chance?
Or maybe
an opportunity
to fall further from grace

When I dream
I can slip from this body down
into the seas
of the Abyss
and remember drowning
without water
and Seeing the only beings
to ever want me
in this place
Offering
Connection
and
Explanation

and having to turn them down
As my flesh and blood
has duties
to yet still live