The clouds, the wind, the sky...
Everything is something you can never buy

The stars, the moon and the sea...
They await to hear your plea

The flowers, gold fish and music...
brings you smile when you're sick

The moments when you're sober...
Think of them
You'll be calm
Yet, sober again
Because Sobriety is an addiction.

For the longest day
I've watched the sun pretend
At twilight
At a time for my rest
At a time when I wasn't
Obsessed with
Time
Waited for twilight
For darkness
To let my fire burn
Bright without
Competing against a
Burning world.

Burning more constant than our
Ever slowing sun

A powerful euphoric sensation rushes to my brain when I inhale the crack ******* leaving me appalled for twenty one seconds to contemplate a super rush of dopamine into my central nervous system that hits me immediately an intense pleasant sensation is felt with a overly joyful feeling. The rush lasts about 2-5 minutes then slowly begins to come down I start to feel a slight paranoia then an uncomfortable feeling sets in midway to the  euphoric high and after 10 minute mark I start to crave to repeat the powerful high. Like a thunderbolt energizing my whole body and rushing  thoughts come crashing down at the 15 minute mark I begin to feel unsatisfied with myself wanting to repeat the vicious cycle all over again. Once I hit 20 minutes I feel like a cheap ***** who's been used and abused by the drug itself and this feeling of restlessness and dysphoria sets in leaving me once again alone and feeling slightly discontent. **** where can I get more hard again and there I once again start talking to myself creating fictitious illments and materializing maladies. That is chasing the Great White Dragon in a state of misery and despair. I was hooked but now am healed thru the 12 steps and the Grace of Almighty God.  I am now 40 days clean and sober...I am sincere and certain not to pick up this again for if I do I'll will ruin my life or better yet put me in a casket.  By the Grace of Adonai I praise thee for saving this wretched addict. Now and forevermore in debt with the Lord. Amen!

it's so hard to hold onto my sanity when i watch them lose control.
it's so easy to fall, even though i know it'll be hell.
i could be weak and do it again;
feel the bitterness and gagging,
the dizziness and hear my giggling.
or i could control myself and be bland. tasteless.
i don't want to be a bore,
i want to be a firefly that makes your eyes widen at the golden star i carry on my back.
but i don't want to get squashed by your fingers,
so what am i supposed to do?

i wish i knew if what you said was true
and i wish that you would fight for me
but you can't even fight for yourself
you tell me to stop when i'm drinking
that it's bad
and that i'll die young
but i think you're always forgetting that i don't care
i'll sleep forever one day,
with my muscles lax and my bones weightless,
and i'll evaporate into the soil
and nourish the worms and the weeds
i hope that when i'm gone
you won't mind too much
and hopefully i'll leave you a gift
because i don't want to disappear
worth nothing to you

You're not so great
Look at how you treat people
Look at how you treat yourself
Actually, that's all you ever do
What's so important about You?

You work all week and visit me
frequently
You take me in your hands and kiss me
oh so deeply
Quickly taking me into you
Steady handed at first,
but how soon you turn sloppy

A ghost in the room
You're all but dead
No one remembers you,
But you blame it on me
See?  
I didn't come to you
I never sought you out
Not on Fridays
Not on long weekends
Not on bad days,
or just because days.

I never even told you we were friends
Nope!
You know what they say about the word assume
The only thing I ever did
was let your monster out
Oh!  He was already there
It's in all of you,
but most do a pretty good job at caging it…
til I come around with the keys to the kingdom

I'm still not taking responsibility though
No way!
You knew what I was when you were just a boy
Your father showed you,
but you forgot
It's okay
Everybody does, and it's not his fault

Look at yourself!
You're the gatekeeper man!
I'm just the ******* with the key
Don't let me in

Look at yourself and solve the problem
Leave me on ice
Unopened
Untouched
Let somebody else play with my fire, boy!
Keep that monster within, ya hear?
Keep the fire in the pit

Look at yourself….

The wall is a place where dreams can happen
Look to the left. Why?
Nothingness
Screams emptiness at you
To make you regurgitate your thoughts
Into a blank place.

Give me your mind
The wall screams silently
One colour one tone one grey
Wall, another grey wall
Making up my grey home

I am in the corners of your mind
Says the wall
The wall laughs at me for it can be as still
As I ever could be
I long for quiet- I long for space
I long for emptiness no emotion no pace
Forever still like the wall

I envy its maker. Man.
Man made wall.