This nebulous
wind--
turning on
and off--
signals to me.

Three lulls,
three gusts,
three lulls.

Help me
with this
code.

I give out so many mixed signals
even I can't hope to understand
all the contradictions, though
that doesn't make them any
more intentional. I assure
you that I see exactly
what I am doing
though I'm
powerless
to stop,
because
each
conflicting
word and action
is precisely what I'm
feeling in that moment. So
with each passing day my feelings
seesaw back and forth, and we're just
stuck in the seats, unable to walk away
from the ride in which I have entrapped us.

we may loose
each other
as suddenly as
we met
years ago
under a bluer sky

many steps
have already
been taken

rituals of complaint
that point
to deeper troubles

no talk
about certain things

a joking camouflage
for unspoken
sadness

gestures of weariness
of irritation
and withdrawal

embarrassed silence
across the double bed

seven billion people
in their separate worlds

the next step
may be

so easy

* *

Why dont you love me, so you say
Why must you not show love and play
Why do you toy with me you ask
Why do you hide behind a mask
Am i not pretty like the others
Do you not show love cause of past lovers
Say that you like me but show me different
Claim to be close but you feel so distant
You flag me down into your runway
Only to shoot me with your gun play
It felt so right, now that moment is gone
Say that you like me, but it never seems long

i am right
to say that
you have left me behind
before whatever we had
was headed to a specific direction
they say "what goes up,
must come down"
but i think you stayed up there
and decided to not fall for me over again

"Don't go," I beg yet again.
"Do you want me to stay?" you ask, and I'm really quite confused as to how you aren't seeing that every single action of mine is pleading with you to stay with me tonight. I need you, need you to show me you love me in the most nonphysical and physical ways both, and at the same time I need you to understand all of that without me having to come right out and ask for it. I'm not trying to play mind games. Not at all. I need you, need you in the purest, rawest sense of the word. Yet no matter how many signals I put out they all slip past you. And after you leave, I lie there and cry to myself. Completely alone.

Some people only open the door
to slam it harder.

We wait for signals, hope and pray, but they're everywhere and every way. So maybe we're just used to them and, unaware, we look away.
But pass right by them every day.