i miss those days where i’d **** on lollipops and cigarettes,
i miss those days when it seemed like you missed me, and you hugged me so tight.

those days when we didn’t worry about debt and the slanted kisses on ones wrist.

i miss those days.
i miss that one yesterday.

the jacket you left here still smells like cigarettes,
yet i'm wearing it because it makes me feel like i'm not alone

i swallowed a pill today.
a happy pill, the others said.

i felt no joy, only my pain.
so i took two the next day.

still no change,  they said
it could take a few days.

so i took another pill today.
and i feel like it's stuck in my throat

i'm waiting for us to fade to dust.
the both of us.
because this love cannot last forever.

thought he was doing the right thing too.

I wear compliments like make-up,
it washes off.

I melt in hugs like chocolate in summer.

I eat kisses like candy,
till it makes me sick.

I wear validation like a jacket in winter,
I have to keep putting it back on.

Trust:
that fickle antimatter;
still, I subsidize.

I know how you like your coffee,
I know who you see,
I know what you order from me,

I hand out the paperwork and email the documents,
this isn't my first job,
I am confident in myself,

I know the names of your clients,
friends,
and your missus.

But I'm the mistress, the secret
secretariat

touch of amber in his morning cup,
espy to the mug neighbouring

caffeine in the burning steam,
bourbon in bubbles

glazed views,
fake passion

a kiss of liquor

shared between lips,
ciphers

puzzled eyes,
clouded attention,

blissful apprehension,
untold
heaven