I have had dreams for 3 nights in a row where I am strong like ocean currents, I am amber rose sunsets, I am graceful, I am outspoken drunk girl in bar but I have not had a drink; I have swallowed everything else until now, in these dreams where I am strong. In these dreams that I have had for 3 nights in a row, you are wrong and Justice is my sneaker on your throat, it is your apology dripping venom off your tongue, it is you asking for my mercy instead of me asking you to stop over and over. In these dreams, I am telling you what you did to me in front of a  room of people that you love, instead of a room full of people that I love asking me how I even got into this situation. In these dreams, I am crushing your words in my hand and planting flowers with the dirt and dust I took out of my throat. I give them as an apology to my partner for the year we spent trying to put me back together and it only kind of working.  In these dreams I am already healed, as a past participle and as a present state, I am not fearful that I will not ever change the way I walk in the street, I can go on my old campus without forgetting how to breathe, I can do anything, really. In these dreams, for 3 nights I have been the kind of strong that other women who have had this happen to them look to for strength, I have rooted my forgiveness deep in my chest where resentment used to lay. In these dreams I am a woman I love who does not blame herself. In these dreams I am hurting you and you cannot speak. I swallow the irony. I am outspoken and loudly tell the world our story- and every time you beg or plead or say “no” I tell it again so they can hear me. In my dreams people finally hear me. I have been sleeping in.

i filled myself up
used holes in my skin, scratches from rumbles
to create dams that only held emotion

i ate away at the spare parts
let my hair fall to the ground
and rise like a phoenix, a different man/boy/beast than before

i was gone with the wind, right before you came
and tried to free me
from myself

i am so real, you should be scared
i am so alive, you should be scared
i am so close to being dead, you should look me in the eye

soc girls, look at them
and envy every madras sweater
or tuff corvette

i want the money, the heater
unloaded, the switch pressed
against my enemy

and this time, with a chance
of winning
i am possessed

and his spirit
is nothing for me
to interfere with

you think of me,
all i think about
is paul newman and a ride home

when i die, i want to be buried with
books, a pen and a piece of paper
because i want to write

every robert frost line,
and have it carved
into my own flesh

i am beautiful, no matter
how long the hair
or how short

they say i am a
hood, a greaser
but all i hear
is *stay gold

I crave her;
   sweet nigarette,
      like a cigarette.
      Her flavor,
      I will never forget.
      Her lips make,
      my tongue sweat.

usne pucha tha meri udasi ka sabab,
mene kaha
wo aaine me tasvir ubharti he fir fanna kyu **
jati he,
usne pucha tasvir kiski dikhai deti he tumhe,
mene kaha
na uska naam he na pata fir bhi apna sa lagta
he,
usne kaha kuch guftagu bhi kar ti he tasvir
aapse,
mene kaha
ha magar alfaz nahi hote uske ankho se baat
karti he.
usne kaha kya kehti he uski ankhe mujhe bhi to
kaho
mene kaha
uski ankho me mujhe pyar nazar ata he
unkahi baato ka izhaar nazar ata he.
usne pucha kya ikrar kiya he tum ne usse
mene kaha
me to karta hu koshish-e-ikarar karne ki magar
inkar hi ajata he
usne kaha bade hi wo ** tum ikraar se darte **
mene kaha ikrar se bhala kon darta he me to bas
pyar se darta hu
me to bas pyar se darta hu
nk