Just a glimpse of you
Has awoken these emotions
Are now floating
In my subconscious mind
Bringing imagery before my eyes
I remember back to when
Once we walked these streets
Hand in hand
Talked about absolutely everything
I had so much love and admiration
For you
Never would have thought
Things would have ended
The way they did
Then again I was a naive kid

Once we were so close
Now everything  feels...Awkward
Whenever I see you...awkward
Whenever I hear you...awkward
How did it ever come to this
Thought you and I
Were destined to be together forever
Alas all I am left with now
Is awkward feelings and a silent mouth

It’s been years since we last talked
I cut you off after being rejected
More because of the silent treatment
I was receiving
I poured my heart and soul into you
You couldn’t even give me a yes or no
And maybe I’m still bitter
But can you really blame me
After all that time
I was there for you
Through every heartbreak
I was the one who wiped those tears away
You couldn’t even take the time to reply to me

Once we were so close
Now everything  feels...Awkward
Whenever I see you...awkward
Whenever I hear you...awkward
How did it ever come to this
Thought you and I
Were destined to be together forever
Alas all I am left with now
Is awkward feelings and a silent mouth

We’d been through a lot of up and downs
We always managed to come back around
But I stopped all of that
When you couldn’t take the time to
Write me back
I was done playing second best
Watching you date every other man
Still don’t regret that decision
I can’t help but think of you
Because when all is said and done
Still have love for you,
Even though you broke my heart
Just another song
now this is all you are

Once we were so close
Now everything  feels...Awkward
Whenever I see you...awkward
Whenever I hear you...awkward
How did it ever come to this
Thought you and I
Were destined to be together forever
Alas all I am left with now
Is awkward feelings and a silent mouth

©2018 Written By Benji James

Old rugged jeans
I couldn't throw away
Because in it's tiny little pockets
I am keeping, the pieces
of broken dreams
and broken us

I will rebalance these chemicals in my brain that tell me I need you – I want you – I love you.
Pulling this knife from my back, I will rise from the grave you’ve thrown our love into.
Sweating out your favorite song that has been going off in my head every night for eight weeks straight.
You have said what you want now, I’ve already come and gone.
Done with wasting time – I’m only wasting time.

I can’t help but notice how you choke over the words,
While I hang the necklace around my throat to give you my very last breath.
Those unspoken words, hidden thoughts, corrupt meanings,
I saw the way you looked at her through the glassy binoculars, hazy with lust.
Lying next to you at night, please my dear, don’t fool yourself.
I can smell the roses and cream on your skin, alien to a weary traveler.
To dream of forever and taste the end, like salt and sulfur,
I pack my bags to climb the highest tower over the hill.
The hills shine with the morning dew,
Glistening like a thousand tears in the sun,
Warm and thick, spilling over the ground.
Here’s to one last night with you, my love,
Before darkness eclipses the valley.

My love,
Do you feel that ache, deep in your chest?
The feel of my roots twisting around your ribs, grasping at a home.
Did you know that I’m lost, in my mind?
The ambiguous definition of living, of life, tearing creases in my skin.
Are you aware that you’re holding my string?
Even though you’re gone, you hold my sanity, or what’s left of it.
Can you remember that night, under the stars?
You traced letters into my skin, forever branding me with your touch.
Has someone told you that I’ve gone missing?
I tried to retrace that memory, I tried to travel back when I felt alive.
Wouldn’t you just laugh at me now?
You told me that nothing lasts forever, importance is ignorance.
If you had the heart, would you warm me one last time?
Don’t you know, that metal is cold on my chest.
Will you do me one last favor?
Remember you will always be my only one.
My love.

Your kiss on my lips
Doesn't fit anymore
The spaces between our fingers
Doesn't complement at all

You caused my heart
To break into pieces
And now that you are trying to stitch it
The pieces don't fit anymore

The pieces won't fit anymore
Or maybe won't be completed at all
(Because parts of me, I already gave to you)

I may be whole again (maybe not)
But never the same
There will be holes and cracks
But I guess, I can still be functional
I hope..

Again and again,
I tried again.
Again and again,
Tears fell once again.
Again and again,
I snooped on a whim.
Again and again, round and round,
Love is my weakness, this I have surely found.
They tell me theres too many lined up for me,
Im intimidating, Im going to leave, Im going to cheat, you say you are exhausted and going to deplete.
Again and again,
Just stay my friend then!
If you will not be here until the very end.
Again and again,
You see me as an again, nothing special just the same as them.
Again and again,
I yearn for passion, I yearn for the same love in return.
Again and again,
How many more will ask me to fight the fight I won't ever win?
Again and again,
I will never stop loving,
surely in the end I will find the one who doesn't just give in.

I never thought that the lips
          I love to kiss
Would be the same lips to lie
          And say the word goodbye

I've been thinking a lot about one of the more meaningful and meaningless emotions,
the one they call love.

Is anyone else plagued by the thought that with each new venture
the whole experience feels like a regurgitation of past,
like you're playing the same role with new actors,
the same script, but you expect a different ending?

Even when you know, you know.

You say the same sweet lines, do the same warm actions,
feel the same dark often false pangs of "love".

Can you ever go into love untouched, unjaded, unhaunted by your past?

Your mother, father, lack there of, boyfriends, girlfriends,
lovers had and lovers lost and lovers never found,
you think about them with every move,
you think about who you were, who they were,
how this new you and new they could/should/would be.

Who are you?
When are you yourself?
Will you ever be yourself?

Or are you what they want, what they need, what you want them to see?

Can't we just be?

"I love you."

You're just another you.