have you ever considered we're just different?
an attraction not capable.
we deserve a certain type of love,
something that only a certain one can offer.
please don't take it the wrong way
but i can't do this.
i'm too different.
i'm too much
it's just lust
follow your heart ma
don't follow me

I tried writing a happy poem.
But in turn it reminded me how truly unhappy I was.

I'm happy when I sing in vacant places,
or when I see shadows in open spaces.
I'm happy when I was with family,
and sad when I think of how happy we were,

Now its 4 strangers who claim they're related, and when asked how we are, put on painted faces.

Now I'm sad and happy is nowhere to be found.
I think I'm happy but sadness reminds me I'm not.
I'm sadder than sad's sad and happiness laughs,
and miss my Moms hugs and Dad's morning coughs.

I miss having hope in something that was certain,
where faith was assured and separation forgotten,
now its me living my fears and my happiness rotten.

I'm happy when I'm not sad, and its not often.
I'm happy when I speak to you and your soft voice makes my rough heart feel like cotton
candy and lipstick and makeup to cover the hurt.
because now this is a sad poem and theres tears on my shirt.

I dream of monsters
The kind that haunts us
The kind that bites
They nip at my feet
They whisper in my ear
They wish for my defeat

I dream of monsters
They comes alive at night
They drag me from my bed
Into the darkest corners of my mind where I fear to tread
Where the fester, where they hide

I dream of monsters
They use my mind as their canvas
Painted memories spill across my eyes
The thick paint drips into my heart
Worry, fear, anxiety bubble and fester in the puddles
They splash far too close to the surface
That I might lose balance and fall

I dream of monsters
I can feel the monsters clawing at my feet
Begging for us to meet
Yet The more I run the more I see
But I can not stop
No that can't be
For if I do I'm not sure what will become of me
I might just fade away

I dream of monsters
That I hope won't stay
I pray and pray for them to go away
Yet each night we meet once again

I dream of monsters
That someday I'll meet
I'll look them in the eye
And we'll go out for a treat
But for now I ask for your patience
For now I'm not strong enough yet
But someday I'll be
Maybe then we'll have tea

The room went quite quiet for what seemed like 3 hours.
3 minutes had never seemed so long.

It was harsh, unromantic and plain coward,
The walk down the steps had never seemed so wrong.

It was eyes strained and fixated on me, it was loud music
a big door but a small key.

It was questions the next morning and answers by night.
It was disgust and distrust
It was my fears on the cusp
It was 'forget, forget forget', but remember denied just that.

It was mistakes I want to take back.
It was me that did just that.

My life...

Is...

Unforgivable...
I don't know...

What... to do...

What should I do...?

Someone...



Help...           me


Help...

               me


I regret...

Many things...

I regret...
Doing what... I did... Alone


To become...

Unforgivable...

But I can't go back...

I can't say... I was... wrong



I cant be wrong...!

They must... understand


If they don't...

They will see me... as...

As a monster...

For the rest...

Of my unforgivable...

Life...

Sometimes I’m afraid to talk to you openly
Sometimes I’m afraid to to talk to you anyway
These are the times, that I most regret
These were the times, ilost my way

Sometimes I think, you might not like me
Sometimes I think, you may even hate
These are the times, that I most regret
These are the times, icurse my fate

But these sometimes led me to a decision
And these sometimes made me realize
That fate is nothing, but it’s Maktub– already written
then why this misery and why this suffocation?