Running from my self
Circling around in Hell
Chased by “demons”
Perhaps my imagination conjured up
Some grim reapers and a flowery, thorn-filled trellis
That was a gateway into another world
I was running towards you in the darkness
No shoes in the snow, I was so cold and numb
Chasing a light that I could barely see
Terrified by what I was hearing
I was alone on a Michigan street
Some thought I was a *******
Waiting to be picked up
A victim of a bad time
But I just wanted to go home
I got into some guy’s car
Luckily a good-hearted soul
A God-send he let me in
Warmed my feet and let me go
Home

When you forgave me
The weight finally settled in
Forgiveness stole away rage
God, God, God
Not again
What have I done this time
The dog asks
After it bit another gentle hand
If only you knew
The first hand
And the weight it carried
While it swung
If for pity or love
You stay
Oh, how tired you will grow
Carrying out the sentence
For a crime you didn't commit

Whispering winds and rustling trees,
The grass, a bench and quiet pleas.
A solace found, where sorrows nest,
My weary heart, finds silent rest.

A sturdy bench with its wooden frame,
Supports the weight of heavy shame.
Overcast mind and thoughts in storm
The bench suspends my melancholy form.

Outside of these internal struggles,
Happiness is everywhere, its me with these troubles.
Family picnics, kids play on the hill,
Friends laugh together, as I sit frozen still.

How do they do it, I can't help but wonder,
they dance in the sun, while I'm stuck with the thunder.
No sadness is seen, just smiles and glee,
I see that it is possible, but is it possible for me?

But then I remember, as the day comes and goes,
We all have our moments, the highs and the lows.
Today I am here, sat alone in the rain,
But Tomorrow I'll dance in the sunshine again.

Heartstrings frayed and  
weathered.

Scarred, and afraid
to weather the storms.

But to heal,  
you know you’ve got to swim
to better days ahead.

All you can do
is all you can,

A push comes to
shove,  

and within time,
the feeling of
love

saves you from  
being buried within.

Remember that one,
autumn when you
thought you lost
it all?

Your heart was
in the worst,
state it has
ever been

A drug-filled
binge that
took you for
a never-ending

Ride.

You broke down,
and then your
heart broke in
two.

Because you saw
it was
the end of me
and you.

You clutched
the photos
close to your chest

Because you
couldn’t hang on
to what has been.

You felt lost inside,
and you couldn’t
control the downward
spiral

You trapped
yourself in.

Now one year
after and you’ve
let go of false
hopes and illusions.

Scared and
afraid to make
changes and leap

Into the arms of
another soul
again.

Remember that one,
October when you

Thought you lost
it all?

You haven’t hit rock bottom
and I know it feels
like you lost it all.

Keep your head up, kid.

Stand tall.

I doubt you’d believe me,
Why would you?
You have never believed in me.

But I did something brave
And bold
And so very ridiculous.

I made a huge life change.
I got up from the floor,
Where I have cried so many times,
And I kept getting back up.

I packed up my life
And flew across the world to start fresh.
I work hard most days
And sometimes I go out with my friends

That’s right,
I made friends!
You never thought I could.

You thought I was trapped forever
In the darkest hell you could find.
But I’m not, not even close.

But that’s not even all.
I have so many crazy things to build towards
To do, to dream, to be.

Don’t mistake me,
You weren’t completely wrong
The world is far from perfect.
I still have to fight **** hard most days.

But it did get better
It was worth it.
I did more than you ever dreamed I could.

So don’t feel bad,
We all make mistakes.
It will be your turn soon.
Lift your head.
You are worth more than you know.

With love
From your future self
***

30 December:

Diagnosis cancer

February Surgery

The longest day …..

Home

Recovery and Love

Chemo….

It's a slog….

But you are legend

Life re-set

My beautiful wife

My favourite person

A second chance

**

Just got robbed another time,
And I
Wish it was something as simple,
As someone taking my bike.

But life throws me
for a loop

I'm a f-ck up
And I'd like to just
for once, die

I'm a train-wreck
About to lose it
Near platform five
and Self-Pity Avenue

Someone get on the phone,
And tell them what I've done,
Because only others can
tell my story

Take out all the fun,
and leave me staring at
the sun.

I'm a f-ck up,
I know **** well
What I've done.

I'm not dead and
gone.

Roll the cameras,
3, 2, 1
Fade to white

Pan to the right,
And now I'm in sight

Read the paper today
And
The report says
I'm a wreck

What's new, today?

Interrogated again,
They asked me some
questions and took
some photographs

Long story short,
i was truly f-cked.

Looking almost gaunt,
I'm looking around,
And everyone's looking at me

(Am I alright?)

It seems they
Better call the doc

Because they just captured
The day I almost went dark.

Believe me when I say this,
I've seen better days,
and this isn't it.
Not by a long-shot.

And so, I end up
flipping through
the pages and I

See the reckless
Behaviors and antics

The hospital stays,
Complete and total
havoc

I'm tired of it all,
and it's all
So f-ckin' tragic.

Used to be up at 4 a.m.
Kept myself going

Hyped up on hard drugs
And ramped up in overdrive.
Not even wanting to quit.

Now I'm up at night,
******, one habit to the next
And all I do is cry.

I'm a mess, I'm a wreck
And sometimes, I just want to die

But today,
Just for you

I'd like to, for once
Stay alive, not give up,
and try, honestly