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New
You are new yet familiar all the same
I’m still healing
But there’s no shame
In this new feeling
Of newness
Reaching for your hand
You grab mine and squeeze it tight
Loving you is where I always land
Even if it isn’t right
Because I’m not sure how you feel
You might not at all
It’s not right to steal
Someone’s heart as they fall
My mom wonders why I try to fix guys
That I’ve been with, “in love”
Is what it starts with
Then I’m left broken and tired
But my mom used to drink
Herself to sleep
She would turn up her tv
To drown out her tears
Drowning in the pain my father gave her
I was 17 when I started
To numb my own hurt
And stopped loving myself
Because I thought my love would fix others
I gave it all away so quickly hoping no one else would feel this pain
Turns out self-love is the remedy
And giving it away to those who don’t reciprocate
Will ultimately lead you to a road
That is dark and dangerous
Like my brain before
I’m growing fond of myself again
Loving every part
Scars, broken hearts
The things we inherit
From our parents
I don’t think they meant
To send it
But it’s here
And I will leave it behind me
For the path I’m on now
Leads to light and elation
Peace is how you get there
We talked for a little today
The first time in ages
Thinking about your lips
Moving on came in stages
Stage one, I was sad
Then came stage two
It wasn’t that bad
Stage three I thought I’d be okay
I was a little less sad
That’s when I thought I’d say
Something and reach out
Now I guess I’m at four
Not sure what this one’s about
All I know is I’m not sad anymore
I’m lying
I think about you every day
And the memories I’m trying
To forget I’ll say
I don’t miss you anymore
But I’m lying
You seemed to care even less
Reckless drinking, driving and snorting whatever you could find
I was a huge mess
You didn’t really mind
Or worry about how I was feeling
I was scared for you
I knew you weren’t dealing
With his death, the loss of a best friend
It still makes me sad, I miss him so much
Right after it happened, then came our end
I remember our last touch
That still makes me sad too
Rip Jay. You will be missed.
I often dream of you
Us having fun, happy as can be
Our friends around us too
The one we lost we finally see
I awake and become sad
Because that used to be reality
I don’t feel too bad
I left for many reasons, in actuality
I needed room to breathe, to be free
Loving me seemed like a chore
Was it hard to love me?
I feel like I loved you more
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