I met you when I was broken
I thought you could fix me
and pick up the pieces.

With you I went in hard
and at full speed.

I was so blind,too
blind to see what was
happening. It felt like I was
driving with my eyes closed
and crashed.

I thought you
were good for me, but really
you were a band aid covering
my wounds, at least for the
time being.

I never thought
you would be the one to make
my scars deeper. You got distant
I became too clingy. You constantly
put me down and controlled who
I was allowed to see.

Constant nights
filled with screaming and ending
with my eyes feeling waterfalls.


Your words felt like venom, poisoning
my mind.  I was just a puppet and you
were the master.
Who knew pretty boys could be so ugly.

unmitigated lies exhumed - undocumented truth entombed

These puppet string are held by me,
I’d say I’ve lost my grip,
this autopilot hand-fidget has really gone to ****.

I don’t feel the same anymore,
nothing bubbles in my chest,
but who’s to say I cannot feel
if its only feeling is in my head?

Hello, how are you?
I’m doing simple math,
The strings aren’t taut and funny how
every movement is an act.

The doll’s alive, and she does dance
but watch at your discretion,
because if you knew her once before
she isn’t the same person.

It’s been so long, why am I scared though?
Heart racing, I can’t handle the screams.
With a bang, I hear screams.
I thought it would be fine, they won’t make me cry.
They won’t make me scared.
They won’t-.

As I reassured myself yet another bang resounded making me run to the corner.
All the screams, are they my imagination?
All the cries, this must be real.
It’s going to happen again isn’t it, and I’ll fail to do anything.
And again, I’ll act the victim when the truth is bare.

My thoughts mix together making me unable to think anymore.
I’m on flight mode, I just want it all to go away.
Back to the old days, filled with sorrow and despair.
Forced like a zombie, more of me started rotting away.
I can’t think, I can’t breathe, I can’t see.
Are my arms falling off? Has my head rolled?
What’s going on, it just hurts.
It hurts, why am I forced to be this way?

Am I really forced?
I can easily walk out of this cage I made.
With all the faulty holes, I could fit right through.
Just walk, just leave.
It’s seems so simple, yet I can’t do it.
I can reach my hand out, but that’s it.
Is that really all I can do?
How pathetic, how miserable.
Why can’t I do more, why didn’t I do more?
Maybe if I did more less people would have fallen.

Maybe I should die, since that’s all I can do?
Can I die, it would make up for what I did.
But it’s too late for that option, I have to live on.
Do I really?
I’m not sure, however living on will only add to the despair.
Yet dying would be another mistake.

I’ll have to go back to those days again, those were hate and sorrow remain.
I have the keys to the chains that hold me back, and yet I still can’t stop myself from going back.
Why is that so?
I’m not forced to remain the puppet yet I still do.
I wonder, when will the day come when I’ll be free?
When will the day come when I’ll be able to play with everyone else?
When I’ll be able to laugh with them?
My hope is that it will soon happen, though who truly knows anymore.
I truly do not know.