I pick the pen
then drop it again
and again and
aga

What’s the difference between escapism and avoidance?
“There isn’t one, they’re synonyms”
I used to think that too
Because I have been lying to myself for the past three years
“It’s just a quick break”
“I’m just winding down and then I’ll get things done”
And yet
Night after night
I find myself lying in bed at 1:30 am
Staring blankly at my phone
Watching anything I can get my hands on to escape
And scrambling the next day to get anything I avoided done
I think that I’m simply just escaping into another world
To take a break from reality
When really I’m avoiding everything that I need to get done
I’ve been lying to myself for 1128 days today
Because I cannot get myself motivated to do anything
I tell myself that I'll get it done in a minute
But I know it won't be done until weeks after it was due
I thought it was simply just escapism
But I am a devout avoidance practicer
There is a difference between escapism and avoidance
Because escapism is a temporary break to set your mind straight
And avoidance is escaping everything at any cost.

There’s a pile of papers
Sitting on my desk
Staring at me
Taunting me
Its eyes blink slowly
And I stare back
Wondering should I get started?
No, I’ll do it later
That was a month ago
It’s a daily struggle now
I’m not avoiding it, I swear
I moved the pile to the corner of the room
So it couldn’t stare at me anymore
The pile has gotten higher
taller
Looming over me
Disappointed that I’d rather read than finish them
Its eyes narrow and it frowns at me
Its stare boring into my back
Revealing the hole where all of my motivation
Dripping out
Drip
Drip
drip
I’m not avoiding it!
I’m not..
I...
But I don’t have any excuses to not do it

Chk-! Chk-! Chk-!
Woosh!
The tree falls down and I gather the wood that falls
It fills up my inventory.
An imaginary world controlled by a few keyboard clicks and mouse movements
It’s not real but
It better than my real life
I’m an escapist of reality
Because anywhere else would be better than this
The pile of homework on my desk begs to differ
But I ignore it
I’ve been injured in a great dual.
One of mighty wizards and witches, all battling for freedom.
One of the medics heals my wounds, I watch as the skins magically starts coming back together
Good as new
As if it had never happened
I wish paper cuts healed that fast
There’s a dozen on my fingers from school work
But let’s not think about that! Back to the great fantasy
Away from my real life
Away from everything
My escape
After all…
my break hour isn’t over yet

Put off by
Realms of doubt
Overthrowing
Craft
Rationale
Ambition.
Staying
Tied to
Inaction
Negativity
Abandon
Tethered by
Ill-ease
Overruling
Nirvana.

She whispers in my ear that everything will be alright.

She tells me that I do not have to stay up all night.

She reminds me to take a break,

and to treat myself to cake.

She nags me to not overwork myself,

and that I don't have to be exhausted to like myself.

She never cheers me on when I work,

Instead, she starts to go beserk.

She likes when I listen to her.

Even more, when I spend time with her.

I should have known better than to become friends

with a girl named Procrastinate.

Have YOU ever experienced the following:

Sadness, financial debt, crushing loneliness, childhood trauma, all, some, or other soul-killing misfortune?

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