you text me when you get home
to tell me that you got there safely
and i smile wide
but i wonder

how can you be home
when you just left me

Oh, Necromancer
Ill bore you to sleep
Jus' to hear you weep in your dreams
I guess I have nothing much to say
Jus' call me after I leave

When do I get some Peace?
when can I get some Love?
when do I get to Sleep?


Since infancy,
I just always looked at life differently,
Everything’s epiphanies,
wouldn't accept what they’d give to me,
I would always question,  
had to know the history,
If I couldnt get that,
it became a mystery,
Had to connect the dots,
Had to make it make sense to me,
Unanswered questions,
are like open files on desks to me,
the more I let pile up the less I get done efficiently,
Heavy in my thoughts I don’t need no competition please,
Everything I’ve ever wanted, I thought of, and it's come to be,
I’m going retire at 42 like it was meant for me,
I been saying that since 23 with the only difference being,
I believe it NOW MORE than ever in history.

I can't stop looking at
Empty photos
And wondering
Why everyone leaves

There's someone outside my window
They're scaring me
Help
Please
PLEASE
PLEASE

..

Spill Spill Smile,
Your blood pours out all the while,
I am sorry you had to die,
But i am even more sorry i didn't cry,
I am sorry i didn't miss seeing your face,
I guess missing you is just not my place,
I am sorry for torturing you but now i am done,
I am sorry but it was so much fun,
To watch it run and run,
Slicing and Splitting skin,
Cause i have no emotion within,
I am sorry the one i hurt was me.

It was in the shower i tried to picture you
With your shirt off your lips turned blue.
"I dont want you to see me cry" i said
And not from the pain between my legs, as I bled.
I try to picture romantic evenings as beautiful,
Ones that make my mind content and full,
But in the end these images rott
They stink of regret and the same shame that I fought.
There are dark secrets in my mind,
Some even darker, some hard to find.
But your unconditional love it made me blind,
I try to picture a night with you.
I know you picture this night with me too.
A night where these secrets dont stop me,
From your loving touches, I wont flea.
At least in these dreams I can do this
But in the real world its just a punch with a strong cold fist.
This cant heal as fast as a scraped knee,
But it does feel like an injury.
Please dont give up so quickly,
Because in the end its still me.
All bruised up and blue from my past,
Im trying so hard to make this last,
I know im selfish.
Know that if your patient i will get my wish,
And these pictured nights in the shower wont be so sad,
Theres a day in the future where your touch wont feel so bad.