everyone said it was a hard pill to swallow
so i held it at the back of my throat
contemplating
would i become better or worse for this

white wine
followed closely behind
making sure the pill found its way
to my bloodstream

they never told me
i would have to do this
again
and
again
until my body became numb
to the side effects

and even in the aftermath
after the side effects dissipated
i was told
to keep going

each gulp
becoming a reminder
of what never was
and what couldn't be

I often wonder who you would be
if you never got cancer in high school
and you didn’t get addicted to pain pills
—if your mom never left  
when you were in desperate need of a parent
and you got help instead of radio silence
from the people that were supposed to protect you

I often wonder who you would be
if you never tried ******* or molly
and you took your meds
instead of self medicating
—if your friends knew how to love you
in ways that didn’t include
encouraging your addiction

I often wonder who you would be
if you started going to therapy
and accepted help for the first time in your life
so you could see that none of this
has ever been your fault

I often wonder who you would be
if you never locked me out
and you opened up instead
—if you accepted that you can’t do this all alone
would you be the person I know you could be
will you ever heal or will your addiction
take your life like it took your mom
and everything else
that was supposed to protect you

Did you say laughter is the best medicine?

what is it that's ailing you, that you need this medicine for?

we are concerned with your mental and physical health

laughter is not good unless prescribed and monitored
laughing uncontrollably is a sign of drug abuse
laughing hysterically is a sign of mental disorder
laughing too much can damage joy receptors
joy receptor drainage is #1 cause of sadness, and every other disease

Joyflow is the best medicine to control laughter flow
Joyflow is recommended by all doctors everywhere
*Joyflow may cause side effects including, but not limited to sadness, nausea, sterilization(good), sudden death, heartburn, diabetes, cancer, brain bleeds etc.


We are very concerned with your state of well-being
you are addicted to laughter, and not able to make logical decisions
you are over-weight and under-developed mentally
this police officer is taking you to a place to be evaluated

put your hands behind your back and do not resist
resisting an officer is a crime, and you will have jail time waiting if you pass evaluation
we will also give you something for the crying, called FlowNoMore

we work for you to stop tears and let joy flow the healthy way

The pills
**** my creativity
  when the seratonin flows
   the poetic juices run dry

I hear it
Again and again
I do not “function“
Like the rest

Every day
Is a battle
Will I hurt?
Will I move?
Nonetheless, I have to function

Even when I can‘t

I eat pills
For breakfast
Like greed personified
I swallow them - I do not chew.

I eat pills like candy but how can I help it?

My body is aching
My muscles are trembling
Is this addiction
Or is this dependence

How am I different
From someone who cant
Live without drugs
Because it causes them pain
When I eat my candies
To dull my agony

I eat pills like candy
I must be a sweet tooth
Yet I don‘t enjoy it
But others believe that I have to