my back aches
to the sound
of
footsteps
climbing up our stairs.
i,
alert,
run to hide all contraband
for fear of losing everything.
swallow loose pills
you remember you told me you hate me?
oh ****
its just my sister

Pills are a funny concept,
“Eat these and you’ll be socially inept!”
Yet as a dive into the night sky,
My imagination began to intensify.
They were my hope,  my resolution,
Inside my empty pit of corruption.

So 1, 2, 3, they were gone
A tear rolled down my cheek as I realised what I embarked on.
I began to shiver and shake the pain away,
My mother walked in as I lay, grey
“Wake up, Wake up” she whispers,
Her words were like feverish blisters,
And as she looked down me,
Head to waist,

She screeched “please don’t take my baby away”

How much more pills do I have to take?
To even feel a thing, a glimpse of hope or anything? The days pass so quickly and I always wonder why, I don’t stop to smell the roses or point my face towards the sky, I never even try. I’ve become comfortable in my sadness, though I hate it so. My depression, my madness and obsessions is all I really know.

downing pills; oxycontin candy
she’s going numb but feeling dandy
eyes grow heavy, pulse begins to drop
the silence is deafening
waiting for her heart to stop
the hours tick by with no end in sight
left questioning whether she even did it right

woke up in a tub of ice
no surprise, it’s already happened twice
fingertips turned a pale blue hue
blood stains on the covers spell[ing] out “i love you”
bodiless whispers echo through the halls
broken light fixtures and blood on the walls
open windows calling out to her (me)
urging her on to set herself (myself) free

Don't know what to feel,
Don't know what to say,
**** this life,
I don't wanna stay,
Every things alright,
Every things ok,
Until you stop,
Taking that pill per day.

These pills that I must take,
Would they be my key to happiness?
Or would they only give temporary relief?

These pills that I must swallow,
Would it cure me?
Or would it only keep me alive?