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b e mccomb Aug 2016
i swear
it was the longest night
of my life
and i've had a lot of long nights

i'm trying to forget
i'm trying to
i'm trying to
i'm try
i'm try
i'm
i'm
i'm

choking
suffocating
under favorite
blankets
and blanketing
thoughts

blank
mind goes
blank
free of everything
but panic
and wondering
where
my next
breath is
coming from

the last time
this blanket helped
but the last time
wasn't this bad

the walls i've stared at
for so long
have never looked
this way before

i'm trying to forget
trying to forget
i'm trying
trying
i'm
i'm
i'm
i'm

gasping
for air
but too tired
to bother

you held my hand
and promised
it would stop
i don't know
if it would have
if you hadn't said so

and when the storm
ended
you asked if i wanted
to talk about it

and i did
i swear
i wanted to
but i just couldn't
make the words
happen

i'd take you up
on that offer
the next time i happen
to be able to form a
coherent thought
outside of a poem

(which means
i'll probably
never
get around to it)

and you said not to
think about it too much
i believe you
i know you know
what you're
talking about

so i'm trying to forget
trying to
so i'm
forget
forget
forget
trying
trying
i'm try
i'm

remembering
every single
**** reason why
but all i want
is for it to
all go away.
Copyright 4/7/16 by B. E. McComb
b e mccomb Jul 2016
release your fingernails
from the
firmly indented
crescent moons in your
clammy palms

breathe in
through your nose
counting to seven
exhale out
through your mouth
counting to eleven
and feel yourself
inflate and deflate
as if you were some kind
of misused balloon

take down
one of the
coat hangers that
you have strung
along your
rib cage

and clothe
yourself in the
musty disguise of
who you had
forgotten you
ever were

struggle
against the tickling
feeling in the
back of your mind
that nobody really
wants you

nobody
really
wants
you


throw it to the ground
and stomp on it
as it squirms
under the worn-off
rubber tread of your
sneakers

nobody
really
wants
you


scream at it
until your own
ears make a distinctive
popping sound

nobody
really
wants
you


the darkness
is closing in
one more day
is one too many

nobody
really
wants
you


nobody
really
wants
you


bre­athe in
through your nose
counting to seven
exhale out
through your mouth
counting to eleven
and feel yourself
inflate and deflate
as if you were a balloon
and this were your last day

give yourself
until
september

september

september

*nobody
rea­lly
wants
you
Copyright 2/22/16 by B. E. McComb
b e mccomb Jul 2016
i freaked out
last night.

blind spots
ripped blue
jeans sleep
deprivation.

and i freaked out
last night.

crying
i cried like
the sky was
falling.

maybe the sky
was falling.

hang these
powerpoints
from the tallest
tower
and come
sunday morning
we will
parade their
pixalated carcasses
through the streets.

but i'm not
leaving.

i freaked out
last night.

my palpitating
thoughts
my phone keeps
buzzing
like i have some
kind of
responsibility to
the sneaky sneaky
women on the other
side of my texts.

not when i freaked out
last night.



Copyright 12/6/15 by B. E. McComb
Copyright 12/6/15 by B. E. McComb
Imotional Jul 2016
Mum
Mum
why won't you listen?
when I say I had a panic attack
you say 'don't be stupid, just because your friend gets them doesn't mean you do'
I can't help it, I close my mind off and denied the fact this happens because you think it's a choice
but I have one question why the **** would you want to feel like you're going to pass out or not be able to breathe? And what person would pretend this happened?
So I had a panic attack
you say 'stop being stupid'
I can't talk to you without you thinking I'm acting or you being ignorant to the point where I feel like I'm worthless and you don't care.
So there are some things I go through and my mum either doesn't care or refuses to accept it happens. I had to explain what a panic attack was and that there doesn't always need to be a cause.  She also compares me to my friends which puts me down because I'm nothing like them. And my dad thinks it's an excuse for doing nothing.
gray rain Jul 2016
It's sports day
it should be fun
there's no way
anything could go wrong...

but it did
during rounders my shoulder became irritated due to a previous problems during swimming.
200m sprint well I was put down for 400 but I did 200 instead. All went well I was in the lead from the beginning
but when I finished I wasn't tired like I usually am and was about to pass out.
I was told to sit down but didn't realise what I was on about.
Eventually I got away from the crowd still unable to breathe properly
and threw up, calmed down, nearly passed out with the help of nobody.
So sports day went so well that I now have to explain to my parents that I had a panic attack again.
KarmaPolice Jul 2016
The door that rests
But fails to close
Holds open the fears
He cannot dispose

He tries to force it
And leave them behind
Yet the images leak
And poison his mind

His vision fails
In weeping eyes
His heart beating
Drowning all noise

Laboured and forced
Soaking of skin
The doors wide open
As trauma rushed in

Drowning on surface
Lungs contract
Invisible illness
Panic Attack
ryn May 2016
This feeling...
Heavy...
Like a wreath bearing down my neck.
Every fibre in me seem to be at loggerheads.

My heart...
Pounding.
Each beat is a hammer
sledging away at my saneness.

My breaths...
Premature and short.
Inconsistent.
I respire full but with punctured lungs.
freeing the mind Apr 2016
That moment of panic when you thought you were at ease ,
Pleading with your mind 'just 5 minutes please!',
The over thinking, the thoughts they never stop,
Most days plans they become a flop;

Boarding a bus, it would be just my luck
The trembling hands
People start to look
Heart beating fast
How long this one will last ?
Clench your hand hope that it's fast.

The feeling of loosing your mind,
Not one that's ever too kind ,
With everything in life you start falling behind;

It's the trigger for fights & Sleepless nights,
Feeling that you do nothing right in life,
Afraid people will say it's all in your head,
The name is anxiety it's just rarely said!
Quick poem very basic, not my best , Deffiently needs work but here we are
GrizzlyBear Apr 2016
I step onto the stage,
the bright spotlights making my eyes water,
the rows and rows and rows of seats making my mentality waver,
the judges with their eyes penetrating me like icicles.
Their emotionless faces making me doubt myself and what I'm here for.
The palms of my hands are drenched and clammy,
I almost drop my-
oh, I forgot what I'm doing.
Whycan'tImoveI'mstuckIneedtoplayohgodthejudgesarestaringat­mewhatdoIdoIcan'tbreatheI'mgoingtomessupI'mafailure
I
need
to
bre­athe.
Slowly inhale in,
S
   l
      o
          w
              l
                  y
exhale out.
I can do this.
The violin's shoulder rest takes its place,
I inhale,
I exhale,
and I begin.
I wanted to continue this but I didn't want to make is a novel so I'll continue it in the next poem I type. This is about my experience with anxiety and performing for others.
B Irwin Apr 2016
time is choking me
I can feel it all around me and I want out
Time is just man made but time is a snake sent by God to wrap and squeeze out your life
No matter how much makeup you put on, the masks you wear, time is all around you
Why won't it let go
Sometimes it squeezes so hard you *****
And your hands are numb but feeling was never important
Because what is feeling to time
You wake up every night because you can't breath,
Time lays beside you, but it never sleeps
Time holds a screen in your face and calls it memory
It's really just a movie that you never really liked anyway
One with him touching you and you touching her, making sure time doesn't let you forget about him like you have
Nobody in this world ends a sentence for you unless you do it yourself so do it yourself
With the knife you hold, you could **** time
I feel so sick
Do doctors have medicines for time because I don't want too anymore, I can't want too, I can't, I don't, I won't
Eventually he's going to quiet my heart, and nobody will hear me
Hey guys, I know this might be messy, but this an actual clip of some "manic writing". Often times, during a panic attack, I will write scribbling clips of the things I think or have to say and repurpose them later into my writing. This is my uncensored anxiety put out for all. Remember this when thinking about the seemingly scattered organization.
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