There must be madness swirling inside me
My stomach aches
A sickly urge in the back of my throat
I imagine it whirls around in my blood
Surging through my body like morphine
It spreads to my hands at first
A tremble of my fingers slipping glass from my hold
It glitters before my eyes
i feel it travel to my forearms creeping up into my biceps
Scars reopen and red spills
My fingers now coated in crimson
Then it's clogged my chest all to fast
It's getting harder to breathe but still my lungs fill with air
Heart squeezing, ribs popping out of place
Yet my body stays the same
From there it splits in two ways
One drips down into my stomach
then pooling in my feet and weighing me down
The other creeps up my neck
Taking the oxygen from my head
It starts to spill out my eyes
In tears of panic
And i remember the ways to stay sane
None of them work now
Nothing is working now

When I'm home alone,
I feel empty.
The circles under my eyes...
Bruises.
Wind carries through cracks,
Mice scratch scratch scratch scratch...

Something clatters.
Whispers?
Footsteps?!

And suddenly it's loud.
My heart pound pound pounds...
Adrenaline.
Anxiety.
Getting closer...
Quick! Grab a weapon!

I call out:
"Is someone there?!"
Silence.

And suddenly it is all quiet again.

My breathing's wrong.
This pattern inside me
isn't my rhythm.
You've got all the control
& I'm programmed to rise & fall
just from a single phrase of yours
and
I wish I could even try
to get this heart to knock on rib doors
build some courage up
to
whisper truths between the
sliver membranes so I can
try & balance out the breathing
and get a grip on reality
cause I'm almost outta that conscious-land
& I don't know
this man
he keeps bringing me to hell & heaven...
then back
with just his text.

(c) 2014

Out of my mind
In my creative place
No limit to what I'll find
Wandering the never ending space
It's beyond amazing
Down goes another casualty
& I didn't even try saving
Rest in peace to reality
It is better this way
I just feel so free
**** right I'm going to stay
You would to if you were me!