"i love you !" i say as i tear myself open
with how much i still think you don't love me back like i do
what a clown i make,
what a sad excuse for a friend
not to tell you i was so insecure about us,
that i'd rather cry on the way home than in your house.
i won't apologize for feeling,
but i'm sorry for lying.

coming to the realization that if i could let myself die slowly, i would,
was the worst christmas present i could give myself.
there comes a moment where you are so miserable that you can't even pity your own **** self,
self hate is so stupid,
so time consuming and egotistical,
and yet i cant stop it. i can't shut it up.
i am an ugly child, and i
don't remember how to live like an adult
when the world around me crumbles and cannot hold me up
anymore.

i only love the kindness i give to you and i hate all the rest,
what do i offer the world day after day except the bitterness of someone who can't be bothered to live for real,
what good am i, for myself.
i don't know. i don't know and i'm tired of trying.

we were bestfriends instantly,
it took me just seconds to choose you,
and only a minute to realize,
i’d do anything to never lose you.

from our first conversation,
right up to our very last,
i loved you every second,
but our love is in the past.

i’ll never forget your secrets,
or how we’d lay together to rest,
i won’t forget your hugs,
or how we’d share our every waking breath.

its very tragic how you left me,
you promised you’d never leave,
but now you live so freely,
and i cant remember how to breathe.

i forgive you for breaking my trust,
for breaking my heart and my soul too,
i guess now its time to move on,
but oh babe, how i miss you.

huffed you’re fumes
sang the blues
ran through a light blue twilight
i lose cause i always choose
your misery over a good night
lifeless in the body of 20 year old
the sun is rising but my bones are cold
i wilted like a rose
    at your toes  
                  decomposed

******* with sandpaper,


                         smoothing the wood...