youre here but youre not
im not lonely but im alone
this is the best i can get
i can see your smile, your eyes
your beautiful appearance
but its still not enough
i want you here in my arms
the country borders that separate us
this facetime call
its not close enough

its cold outside and i can't sleep because of you
keep me addicted to my phone, lonely but not alone
its 2am for me, because of these **** timezones
letters against a bright screen, squint my eyes against the light
my eyes are burning, i think im slowly going blind
hopeful messages promising to one day meet up
slip that engagement ring onto your finger, a binding promise
to find you, see you, kiss you, hold you in my arms, in person


not knowing if the other is perfect

~risking ruining your perception of me

because here behind my screen you think i'm everything

~but im bound to disappoint you like i always do

i want to marry someone ive never met

~is this something i'm going to regret?

i didn't realize you didn't care.
i tried so hard
to be there for you,
but you blew me off
like birthday candles.
my favorite smell;
next to pine trees,
on a cold december morning,
where i find myself missing you,
again.
it just turns out,
that all the pretty words you said to me
were lies
and thats alright
because
ill just find myself lying in someone else's bed tonight.

It’s 2020 and dating is a joke.

Dating is no longer about trying to get to know who someone is.

It boils down to left or right

hot or not

Society has made dating so hyper-focused on the physical that us women are left wondering if we will EVER be more than just a body.

Whether we are worthy enough to be seen again.

And because of this burning desire to be wanted- we do what we think we are meant to do- we put out.

But we are starting to get scared of all the hauntings caused by the ghosts who have never replied.

Stacks of empty promises of “I want to see you again” or “i’ll see you soon” becoming almost so unbalanced they might just fall.

But they wont

Because somehow the higher they stack, the easier it is to pretend it isn’t there.

To pretend it doesn’t bother us

Our dwindling self-worth held up by the hopes that maybe, just maybe, this time will be different.

So we endlessly swipe through strangers near and maybe far.

Waiting for that mutual attraction.

But how many swipes will it take for our hearts to feel full.

For us to stop feeling like we are incapable of being more than what they see us for.

Because as human beings we are extremely impatient.

Stop Looking.

I've been staring at the word
"online"
under your contact name
for the past hour
its staring back at me
I'm desperately waiting for a reply
(nothing)
i let jealousy take me over
because I know you're texting her
instead of me.

She makes me feel alive
I can imagine the way she smiles from her words
I want to see it myself

his name is andrew
i met him once
he seemed like an *******
but like
in a good way
we met.
i stayed at his house.
he was an actual *******.
we had ***
while i was half asleep.
i cant remember if it was consensual
in the beginning.
i left the next morning.
he started being weird.
sending me gibberish.
i blocked him.
he added me back
again
and again
and again
30 times now.
making usernames
calling me fat
and again
and again
please dont find me