Pure white tablets
Clonazepam
mix it with the magical herbal medicine
clouds of rich flavourful satisfying smoke
a mixture of synthetic and natural
a forbidden concoction
offensive to the natural order of things
to our bodies
to our minds
soon to slip away
im going to mars

My feet on the ground, the ground moves
The ground, the world, the universe
You lead me, you guide me
My path, you choose, you decide
Unfulfilled and puzzled, reason unsolved.

Today my foot got stuck in the mud
I removed my foot
Missing puzzle piece solved
My decision, my choice, my guidance, my path
My feet on the ground now my feet move.

There were times when
I looked up to you

There were times when
I thought I had a brother
Who gave a **** about me.

Somewhere down the road,
Emotions veered off course
And you became another stranger

You became a stranger to me,
and everyone that loved you.

You turned into a monster,
Drinking down your emotions,
Morphing them into hate

You were mad at the world,
And angry at everyone around you.

You resorted to violence,
because that was the only time
you felt you could get your point across.

You abandoned your father,
Your son, your daughter
When things didn't go your way.

You moved, you started a new family.
And when it went south,
You decided enough was enough, taking your own life.

You lived your life
With the notion
that everyone was against you

It was you against the world.

No one would listen,
No one gave you a chance.
No one believed in you.

I gave you a chance.
Your father gave you several.

You abandoned your kids,
and they still came crawling back.

Your sisters didn't give up hope,
and you still believed you were public enemy number one.

Now that you're gone,
It's almost like you've abandoned us again.

There are no more chances to make amends.

In spite of that, there is room for forgiveness.

I forgive you for leaving me.
For leaving your son, your daughter,
Your father, your mother,
And your sisters behind.

Your demons got the best of you.

I won't let mine get the best of me.

I forgive you for everything you've done to me,
And those who loved you.

I won't forget you.
And neither will they.

I have to accept you're gone.
You're never coming back.
There's nothing I can do
to bring you back to life.

I have to accept it
and move on.

you can’t hold onto dead things forever,
someone should’ve told you that.
before you planted all those flowers for a boy who left you
standing in the rain with a handful of dead roses.

my mother always said,
“home is where your heart is”.

I never realized what that meant
until it’s foundation unexpectedly built itself around
the way you made me laugh harder than anyone else ever has
And the fact that
the walls of my residence raised themselves
With you inside them.

I was fearless when I met you,
but now
I cower in the dark
out of terror
at the thought of the
trees above us collapsing
onto the roof in the middle of the storm.

I used to sleep peacefully,
But now I toss and turn all night,
Waking up every hour,
In a cold sweat,
Thinking
“What if you lose the keys and never come back”

Love was always just a word,
but it became something more when I looked at you.
It struck the trees,
burned a hole right through the center,
and ignited a flame that never went out,
even when it rained.

But with the rain comes
Thunder, lightning,
Darkness, frigity,
Blood, bone,
And tears that would flood the basement.

The wind huffed and puffed,
And blew my whole notion of a house down,
Shaking my home
so violently,
That it stripped the carpet
Inch by inch,
And the outside,
brick by brick
Until you moved out because
Our sanctuary
Had became an inhabitable living space.

The weather is dangerous and always changing,
And despite the fact you try,
you can’t save everything from the storm.

No matter how hard I will try to keep the floorboards from coming up,
And how hard I will try to keep the shingles on the roof from coming apart,
An umbrella can’t stop a hurricane,
A child with a hose can’t stop a wildfire,
A lit match can’t stop a blizzard,
A band aid can’t heal a **** that will never stop bleeding,

And my house,
No matter how many times I rebuild it,
Will never stop burning to the ground.