Love settles in the back of my head and chest, but if love was a thought it was a feeling in the time of sadness which is all the time of course, sadness does not exist without reality and reality be nothing without despair. The balance of life is not black in white, yin or yen,  or happiness and sadness it is sadness and less sadness because sadness with always cover everyones head with the veil of death because death, is inevitable and death brings sadness therefor sadness is inevitable.

Death lines the corners of my mouth waiting to be inhaled as i smoke my first and maybe last cigarette maybe last because I can die at any moment.

I realize I’m young
I realize life is unfair
I realize I shouldn’t hurt myself
I realize my life will only have value
if I decide to be valuable
I realize some things are difficult
I realize I don’t have to be perfect
I realize not everyone is nice
I realize things will be forgotten
And that some things never will
I realize I don’t know everything
And I realize death is a promise and life is an option
But when will you realize
That in my dreams
I don’t wake up
You won't
You like it when I stay quiet
-{ksf}

I am happy,
But why is that those tears wont stop falling?

It's the right thing,
But why is that it doesn't feel like so?

I am strong,
But why is it that I need to be strong?

I should not feel this way,
But why is it that my feelings have become so bipolar ?

It's bravery,
But why is it that I feel it's an act of fear instead?

I am not oblivion no more,
But why is it that i feel there is much behind every path?

I fear failure,
But why is that I feel that it is a fear of success?

I should enjoy the moment,
But why is it that my brain cant comprehend to happiness no more?

So I’m just another idiot who fell for you.
Just another idiot who isn’t ready to repair her wings to fly again
Or her oars to sail again.

Nope.
I’ll be stuck here.
So madly in love with you.
Blinded, like you are.
Maybe oblivious, even
To who ever else out there.

When I'm outside at four in the morning standing in the bitter cold smoking my cigarette,
I always look towards the stars and wish that I could fly so ******* far away.
I wish I could sit upon some celestial body with a searing atmosphere and powerful storms so I could rage and scream and my flesh would boil and my bones would melt; my mind would break and my soul would toil on the depression and torment of love and loss until I am nothing more than wisps of carbon on blistering winds.

people leave all the time
and all the time i find myself alone
and all the time im begging them to stay
but they come and go
and they do it
all
the
time