I am a sad lonely person, who long ago has lost her happy version.
It's been a while and I seem to have forgotten how to smile.
I may be too sensitive and darkness is everything that I might see
and I might have lost myself in there and with it my dignity.
I'd like to be more open and talk about a lot of things, preferably to an angel without wings.

I know my life isn't great and that there's worse and hope is my only resource.
I often feel like being in the wrong place and trying hard to fit in seems like a waste.
Why do I have to adapt to others to be normal and why can't I be myself, I really don't want to be another boring book in your shelf.
I am not easy and kinda strange, but I'd rather die before I change.

My mind is a chaos and causes a lot of confusion and I keep trying but I am starting to get tired of all these delusions.
I feel like I am breaking and my kindness often seems to be mistaken.
I am tired and putting myself to sleep, crying as always but maybe not that deep.
As I often wake up later on in tears, because I have dreamed about my fears.

I don't need to speak well or somewhat good, because I know that I'll just be misunderstood.
My Body is covered in scars, each of them are as unique as stars.
My Mind's a factory of creating problems and anxiety, but I am now telling myself, let them be.
If I can't change it, nobody can. I don't need your compassion as of it I've never used to be a fan.
My appearance is just a deception, I might look well and people think I won't need a correction.
But my true self hides below clothing and if someone would look beneath, their weak minds will be blowing.
I'd call myself strange at times, others do aswell, because they're not reading between the lines.
They see me as weak and helpless, but I've never had a reason to show my true strength, as most people aren't worth it and I feel no distress.
I can be anyone you want me to be, but maybe I am already someone you can't see.
I'd be better of if I'd care less but trust me I'll never end up being careless.
Everyone deserves something, but what's good and what's bad might some think.

I've got a lot on my mind, everything seems like it's falling apart.
But do I really have to choose between people, do people not deserve a new start.
Mistakes are made, everyone can do them at any given moment, but nobody really deserves endless torment.
I want to keep my friends and meet others aswell, putting me in such a position makes me feel like I am in hell.
I know that people sometimes are cruel and hate is their fuel.
But I believe that people can change, everything else would just feel strange.
I don't wanna judge people before I know them myself, but being told they're bad wants me to leave them unread like an uninteresting book in a shelf.
I feel like whatever I am going to do it'll be the wrong decision, but maybe that's only because I lack true vision.

Close your eyes and look through all the lies.
Listen to your heart and melt the ice, don't be scared and break through your disguise.
You're not worthless and definitely not worth less.
Don't hide yourself behind your mask, it's easy to say and I know it's not a simple task.
But it doesn't matter how often you end up crying, as long as you're not giving up and continue trying.
It may seem impossible and sometimes it might actually be, but you're still a human with dignity.
We may not know eachother and might never get close, but we could always try, that's what I'd propose.
If you're lonely and feel sad, send me a message and I promise you it won't be that bad.
I am here trying to cover my wounds, but they're all off grounds.
I can't find myself seeing them any time soon, but I can feel them roaming like a typhoon.
Everything matters, but nothing really does, who am I to tell, oh right a nobody, that rings a bell.

I feel lonely and I will forever be.
What is this life, what is this agony.
Do I deserve to breathe, is there somebody who'd care if I leave.
I don't think there is, I just want to close my eyes.
And never wake up, and then either fall or rise.
Take me to heaven or to hell, because this earth is not for me to dwell.
My life is heartbreaking, who could be the one to take my heart in.
I am confused and depressed, there's no second passed where I don't feel stressed.
A smile on my face would be something I want, and sometimes I feel jealous cause I see others while I can't.
I just want to close my door and enter a new world, then hide in my bed and be in the blanket curled.
I know I won't give up and I will forever look forward and it doesn't matter how long it'll take or if it's hard.
Maybe to continue living might be a mistake, but I will never find out until I truly break.
I'll stay here till the lights turn off, hoping to find real love.

Insecure and afraid, when I stepped out of my home today- my safe place
Maybe now I can understand how a baby feels when it comes out of the womb- its safe place

I can recall how I felt when I got ready to face the world just after passing  from my school-my safe place

I am scared, paranoid, frightened & a little confused

This is no where close to what any of us had imagined

My life, just like yours , have been divided into two parts

Pre corona  and post corona

The lockdown has almost been lifted and we all have come back to our "normal lives"

But, here I am, thinking is it really normal ? How do we define the normal now?

Will it no more be normal to Meet & hug my best friend anymore?

Will it no more be normal to eat and gossip about everything & anything sitting in a sweet little cafe?

Will it no more be normal to lend a helping hand to an old soul ?

Will it no more be normal to visit the places that once used to be my safe place?

Nothing's the same anymore

Nothing's normal anymore

Today was the first day I met people outside my safe place, my home

And it's is not same anymore
Everyone had a hint of fear behind their smiles,Human is afraid of human,Family members are afraid of each other


And here I am sitting lost in the train of my thoughts Hoping for a time machine to take me back to old times. So that I can  do every little thing in a different feel all together. So that I feel like a human again, feel like being myself again.

In retrospect- I feel immensely blessed for all those little leisure times I had.
Just give me back that life, once that used to be my real life

The life that used to make me and everyone around me happy for no reason at all.

Why don't they let us express ourselves?

Is it because it's inappropriate?

The norm of society thinks so

And what is normal anyway?

We want to be ourselves

But if we do, they will shun us away

We need to find a place where we belong

Let's go to a place, where we can be free.

Under the bow
of a failing nebula
floats a time capsule
full of unused bandwidth
and disappearing summers

Swimming-pool eyes
they're in remission
discovering Columbus
on the starboard side
of this standard suburban saltbox

Fragility and risk is this
cosmic companionship
rowing to latitude
through dark matter
seiche or refracted

The oncoming tide
will mean a migration of steep passages
"though shiny, sculpted pebbles
spoke of frequent waves
the sea was docile that day"