It's a constant battle.
I'm finding shells on my floor,
and a flood of defeat.
They got me again.
They tore up my flag;
and flattened my heart that scoped out nonsense.
I'm getting into fist fights with the mirror.
This world doesn't matter to me.
My bleeding nose and horrid mind are too naive for you to think that I am free;
breaching a shadow too small to cover me.
Mediums hover me,
and you call to connect with me.
Against my brain;
and induced will.
Against reality to assist a thrill-

I think I lost my mind,
Between finding myself
And letting parts go that
I'm not sure of anymore.
I needed the strength to bind
My brain together, but what's left
Isn't enough, and getting it back
Is leaving my heart sore.
Friends are slipping away,
Because I do not have control
Over what I do, or if I talk
About the pressure of being myself.
Sad thing is, I'm losing more each day,
The war opened up my soul,
I knew I was not
Normal since I met this hollow desk,
And my mind worked itself away-

If I'm worth the fight,
then I can take a hit.
It isn't whether I win,
it's if I refuse to quit.
That's funny, because just wait,
for about 24 hours.
Where I'll gain the tremors,
but lose uncertain power.
An inner conflict is my battle,
but one I don't think ends.
Should I be authentically useless?
There's a home I could transcend.
I could ascend upon my limits,
I'm a king to every kind of thinking.
I control my darkness,
in the rapid form of blinking.
Open, close, open, close,
My fists could match the sides.
They're knocking on my skull,
of course I'm gonna abide.
I lost purpose when I dropped value,
when nothing stopped me from the pain.
if all I give to the world is anger,
why shouldn't I receive the same??
---------------------------------------------

Speechless, ignored, could
You even miss me at all
If I fell away?

If I drowned like my
Words that everyone doubted
And learned to neglect?

A silent heartbeat,
With the silence you put to
Everything I say?

I wish a friend would
Like my company, I just
Haven't found one yet-

Kaliedoscope colors, shaped as a rectangle outline of my door-
and I can't go out and see the beauty of it. A gray room,
with a blue face, laced into rushing in another pumping day.
Provoke the guilt, wilted meaning every breathing being has.
I'll leave someday, in someway, maybe not this moon fall,
but I know I can't live, thoroughly at all-

Poking fun at my
Insecurities will pop
My helium heart

Like a balloon; I
Can only take so much, I
Have bursted open

The pressure killed
  Me-

send my mind away to the crows.
their ****** will grow and feed off my guilt,  there's no will in a way of destruction and pain. so much hate in my brain my heart takes the thrill. if it was a trip then I'm overdue, if it's all was my fault then my fall out is true, there is no point for my doubts to break through, as though I'd thought I could outlive the moon,
look . . . . the birds are resting just a few miles away,
I hooked . . . . my thoughts to a line that could go either way,
breathe . . . .  and yet all it releases are thoughts of unease,
saved . . . . thousands of worries I hope would be freed.
and yet all I've learned is livid souls can't survive, and there's more impulsive acts due to pain in the night, as if when the sun goes down we run out of reason, and the darkness within us becomes more alive.
if in the time being, the pain is still eaten, am I a free man or a one within treason?
if the joy that I get is from moments of numbness,
have I received it or faked my own freedom?
be honest....

as each memory burned deeply in me, I knew
they'd be stuck there forever. forever in my mind, smoking and smothering me. I'm still rubbing soot off my skin and hoping it won't stick again. the past is over and yet, when I get scared it's all the same. stop, drop, and roll. sometimes I'll cover my face as I cry and hope my tears will be enough to put out the flames. the doorknob feels hot... so don't ask why I don't come out. i still feel it. the fire's still there. still burning in the back of my mind, and I'll always take precautions before trying. just trying to live. but how am I meant to when my past keeps burning me alive?

Restless, my eyes are turning
As I'm running from them.
I'm not one soul, I'm vulnerable, their
Noose was fit for me, do I take it? Or do I
Bleed? Again, another day; one more rhyme.
One more night envelopes me, addressed to the
Wavering pupils I cannot contain. Save me, I scream;
but they don't hear me. And even though
I cut them open, they still don't fear me----

Traced eyes with circles,
and a headache, he forgot
all he used to be

replacing nights with
sobbing, he took all he had
and soon went missing

A backpack full of
his blighted heart, taking the
corruption away

Scattering it on
the beach, the tides replaced them
with nothing but shells-