It hurts when even your mother turns against you
Often we give our trust to those who number few
Yet when that small trust is betrayed
My hopes and dreams you all have slayed
Yet I’m smart too
My walls are littered with the characters of my mind
These specific pieces you will never find!
When simple letters override
Your own definition of yourself
How it possible
How is there a way
That my mind is defined
By only my grades!
Then you start to feel doubt
And then I thought what is this about
“I have my own way” I told myself
And I don't need their approval
So behind closed doors I continued to doodle
I continued to express all the genius I felt
I continued to avoid the metal on father’s belt
It was hard for me to even barely pass
When I didn't understand the need for math class
Yet I’m smart too
I say bless you to every “Achoo!”
People don't give me the time of day
I know I’m not beautiful
But I have so much to say
Our world can be cruel
Take it from me first hand,
If you realized how much I envy you,
Then you’d understand
To be able to recite
Formulas 1 by 1
Or to be able to write essays
Just for fun
But I have something you all don't
I convey my feelings and I have hope
That one day someone will come to realize
That I’m smart too

When I wept before you
watching my emotions fall like
                               crayon colours

Painting the floor with immature
          emotions...
did you read the colours I spelt..


Or did you just see irregular patterns
                spelling out my pleas...
that were like chalk drawings
                                       to your understandings

I come not for the joyful,
Who have a song to sing.
And I am not the kind
Who will leave you smiling.
Rather, I'm the kind of singer
Who looks to pierce you to the core.
I'm probably not who you're looking for-
I'm a heavy kinda soul

Cause I'm a bleeder,
And I'm a dreamer
I wear my heart out on my ragged sleeve-
I'm a heavy kinda soul.
     Happiness just ain't my thing,
And peace is always far away
Smiles are as rare as a desert breeze,
Cause I'm a heavy kinda soul.

I don't want to entertain you
I want to touch your heart.
I am the voice for the broken,
Hiding in the dark.
Maybe the only other one
Who understands the Darker Road-
Cause I'm a heavy kinda soul.

Cause I'm a bleeder,
And I'm a dreamer
I wear my heart out on my ragged sleeve-
I'm a heavy kinda soul.
     Happiness just ain't my thing,
And peace is always far away
Smiles are as rare as a desert breeze,
Cause I'm a heavy kinda soul.

If you hear me,
Would please weep too?
Would you let me know that I'm not alone?
I want to give the broken, a song they can call their own,
But I'm so broken too.
Cause I'm a heavy kind of soul.

When the world has exhausted me from continuously unresolved misunderstandings,
I retreat back to the inner workings of my mind and soul.

Trying to accept that even though I wish to settle inside of strangers
That I am just not a being to be comprehended.

I must be just a ghost.
Barely visible,
A sound in the background,
A closing door,
A whisper in the room.

Making you wonder if you really heard something or was it just your imagination?

I must be a superstition.

I continue to pass through them, trying to reach a soul,
but I am not even on the same plain of existence as you.

I don't listen half as much as you do,
You don't understand what I'm referring to.
And this conversation is a mine field,
let's retrace our steps, I fear...
It's not me, it's not you, it's just circumstances misunderstood.
(I just keep on changing but I don't know how to tell you).

You don't really think I should have done that,
but do you really know where I'm at?
And your questions feel like an objection,
sending me in the other direction...
It's not me it's not you, it's just our circumstances misunderstood.
(I just keep on changing but I don't know how to tell you).
But it's okay, it's the way it goes, along the road, beside a river.
Anyway it flows, no one can tell it where to go.

I wish my tongue was not a dagger
I wish my brain was not a sword
If only I could keep my tongue and mind from clashing
If only they would say the same words

No one will truly understand
Understand the real me .
As I stand looking in the mirror
At this broken figure
Water flowing out the eyes & as Depression flees from the scene .
Laying down looking at marks on this washed up soul next to me & thinking screaming someone help
Oh help me from this pain as my life is in jeopardy , just watching this 3 inch razor come closer to then rescue me from this shattered pain .
Oh this life I live I'm sick & tired of it criticism , lies , heartbreak .. just why?
Family friends all against me what did I do ? Did I not love all of you equally as I once loved myself ... but it's too late to save a whole state from my ruptured soul I call my depression state..
                                          ~chilled