I lived in greatest of expectation
Wished I'd find one to share my grief
Someone to understand my situation
And I ultimately found her,to my relief

I was you
So obsessed with the pleasure I found
To her control where I was bound
So cultured to having her around
Lost in conversation, love as common ground

I was you
I trusted without asking
Yes,it was really tasking
loved like there's no hurting
Held on like we was never parting
Kissed deeply and memorably
Embraced tightly and inevitably
Lost it all,as I vividly recall

I was you
When the love became history
yet I couldn't solve the mystery
when all I tried to say only irritated
and the warmth of her evaporated

I was you
when my tears flowed like a stream
and I just couldn't bear the steam
when scary was every dream
I wouldn't survive an hour it'd seem

I was you
I watched blindly as days went by
Even my tears said goodbye
my eyes bloodshot and dry
like I was doing **** and sky high

I was you
when aches became my pleasure
And with loneliness I spent my leisure
When mistakes cost me my treasure
was told for memories time's the only eraser

I was you
when I was axed and "vexed"
and no one else worked
for my moods were a pendulum
and moving on an extra curriculum
when I wanted to see her in the next
and I would still call her and text

I was you
I was empty for I had lost a universe
she was in every song and every verse
threw away chances,missed every pass
ignored the glances,a man under a curse

I was you
but one day I started to rebuild
I was tired of looking back
and needed to get back on track
I started to count my blessings and luck
To see the much I have over the little I lack

I was you
But self actualisation came with time
a long time of wandering lost
years of being dead to life and living a ghost
of thinking letting go was a crime
when I gave up forever and ceased to be blind
placed pieces of my heart in a bag and let reign my mind

I was you
when I wouldn't live without her
and I reopened every healed scar
when I felt that if it wasn't her it wasn't love
until I realised we only lose what we don't deserve

I was you
Till I believed I could find myself again
that if I couldn't overcome I could live with the pain
when I forgot the innocence and embraced the stain
and instead of crying I started dancing in the rain
I was you

As I lay awake at 5:33 I can't help but to think about me.
All of the things that have changed me.
All of the things that made me.
I now  live alone , a life I've never know . Embracing change,  everything's strange....
When your a stranger in your own life.
Rewriting my story, choosing a new title.  I refuse to be one who sits idle.
I left everything I knew to start a New. It's funny how important it feels to few.
One of the hardest descions has proven to be the best.
Sad part is I'm working so hard I get no rest.
I know it's part of life's test.
The universe treats me the best.
Forever blessed.

At times I'm as high as high can get,
I'll let you know, so don't forget.
I'm lost in the city of my mindset
And somewhere between life and death.
I tell you all I can tell
But when the opportunity comes I know that I'll sell
And get rid of the words that I spell
Until I empty me out of myself
Until my brain starts to swell,
Oh I know this all too well.

I can't remember when my hat wasn't full
My head's so big it should have it's own capitol,
And can't remember when I wasn't incalculable,
Having no care was something so masterful,
-And disaster-full -
I wish I was a kid sitting down to play blaster ball,
Because on days when I sit and think
I think that thinking only brings me closer to the brink
And I sink into the very thought of starting to sink
And I drown myself into thoughts even well into sleep!

I was a kid way well into life cycles
Too bad I left it alone with my bicycles,
Because I'm driving around like I'm driving without a head
And the only way time stops is if I'm lying dead.
Oh I know time too well,
Oh ask him a secret, I know that he won't tell,
Oh I'm sick of selling out at the sound of the doorbell
But time has me chasing it's tail like it's a jail cell.
Someone save me from time and it's cartel,
Before I end up like those who couldn't tell when the floor fell.
I know time too well,
I know time too well,
I know time too well,
I know this cycle of time in a nut shell,
Someone get me out of this cycling stairwell.

I am back,
And very happy for that,
To resume my work long neglected,
Yet these pages and vioces here,
Full of depression and negativity!
Oh jeez, I have my work cut out for me!
Let this then be a Declaration!
To make those sighs and grunts go away,
This I vow to do today.

Miss independent
So beautiful, so fly
You say you don't need anybody?
We all know that's a lie

We respect what you bring
To the table,
You took the initiative to support and provide for yourself, because you can will and are able

But girl, don't assume that a man with limited finances isn't worth your time
He may not have a jet, three cars, but he's willing to invest his time

He may not be Bill gates, making billions everyday
But If he goes out if his way to make you happy
You'd be dumb not to let him stay

So miss independent
Before you say that men are worthless, shiftless and not worth the time
Stop listening to your bitter single friends, and try to change your state of mind

Nature of things do not change
Even things do not change
It’s the mindset that changes
It’s the way in which we think, the approach
The way of doing things that changes
Over a period of time thinking changes
Thinking changes from present generation to the next
From one generation to another

Definitely nature of things has never changed
It has remained constant for over a period of time
A long time has gone by since the nature of things has not changed

When a shadow of doubt gets raised in the mind
There is an uncertainty about something followed by confusion
When each of these things become a part of routine
Then at that point of time,
Then during that time
Everything becomes extremely difficult,
Difficult to decide,
Decide upon as to the proper line of action, which needs to be taken
Difficult since thoughts are not stable and neither settled.

Agreed and accepted
The fact that over a period of time nature of things change
Definitely because the next generation has it’s own set of thoughts
Thoughts different from prior generation
A generation gap is always there, it remains
Enabling the previous changes to be incorporated and accepted in the present.

Definitely over a period of time things do change.

Dear Victoria,
Where did you go?
Why did you leave me?
My heart has gone cold.

Dear Mindset,
Why did you come?
You tell me I'm worthless,
Useless and dumb.

Dear Victoria,
I need you back,
Without you I do things,
My soul's turning black.

Dear Mindset,
You've changed this child,
You've broke my jawline,
And stole my smile.

Dear Victoria,
Right now, I am lost,
I'm confused, worried, doubtful,
My wrists pay the cost.

Dear Mindset,
You've ruined my life,
It was you who told me,
That salvation was in the knife.
It was you who began my now grand addiction.
   Thank you so much,
   Love Victoria x

I feel lost at times,
Like I'm losing my mind
Everybody else letting loose,
**** dropping, pill popping
'*****' on pelvis grinds
Joint sharing, sniffing ******* lines
Unemployed but still no one has time
Everyone is commited,
But nobody knows why.

I feel lost because
The education system taught us
Mathematics, English
And a bunch of other stuff
But not how to apply for a job
Behave in an interview or
Maintain and mindset
That actually gives a ****
How our voting system works,
Whether we elect our leaders
Or if the system is really corrupt
So was it enough?

It's funny that I can sit here and say
that my life is something, when I was lazy today.
I stayed inside, watched a movie or two
Cried my eyes out, feeling rather blue.
But after it was over, reality came back
and I realized that I... hadn't done jack.
Sure, I had felt, I had feared, I had wished,
I had procrastinated, and stuck up my fist.
In today's world, however, what does it mean
if you're not an athlete or mathlete; you're just unseen
Unseen because you have blocked yourself completely out
from the world, from danger, from the coming drought
of people who  actually cared about others
and not just their next Friday night lovers.
Can I call myself accomplished at  high
when all I've done is weasel my way by?
Using the bare minimum of my brain power.
Waisting little energy staying up for hours.
I've been lazy.
I AM lazy.
But should that validate anything I've done?
Should I waste away a life that's only just begun?
Or should I stop being lazy, here and today,
turn off the device, take a look around at... May?
That's the month, isn't it so?
I can't remember, do you even know?
I have been stuck in a grave mindset
that blocks out every responsibility or threat;
but I think I should awake
and see the world for it's mistakes
yet still embrace it 's wit
and never ever never quit.
I'm lazy, yes, but I can make my life something.
Because after all, we all started as nothing.