When you are working on that really important history project, before you can even begin, there is always that one person who asks: "So how much is this worth? How much will this count towards our mark?"

Ugh. Welcome to the Bauer state of mind everybody!

All that matters in life is how successful you are. And as long as your average is a constant 100%, you do not need to worry about anything else.

What a life huh?

These people are the perfect people for office job life. Nothing but numbers, no life, no soul.

Nothing else matters to them.

And singling these people out in high school is the saddest thing, and the most hilarious thing I've done.

Because these people brag at 100% and cry at 99%.

Wait, what?!

How can you not be satisfied with anything less than overdoing it?

I mean, you go on and live your life.

But I'll stay here with a more than satisfactory 85%.

I can work with that.

Some days, I want to punch the tryhards in the face.

There's a guy I know who once used an entire 2nd period class to draw out his entire family line on the white board.

He explains in great detail the divorces, the half siblings, the brothers he truly cares for. And you forget that somewhere in this family tree, he exists.

And he talks....and talks....

It gets to a point where you forget he's monologging.

He stops talking about and slowly begins talking about his view on love and relationships. I forget that he comes from a somewhat messed up family.

I mean, I'm still optimistic about love. So much so that I forget that people don't see the world the way I do.

And he is... not as optimistic about love.

Or rather, he just doesn't see love as an opportunity worth chasing. He explains it as, "I can develop feeling for someone, but I don't act on them because I don't see the point."

Or something like that...

And well, I can't think like that.

So I'll leave this mindset here. I guess it's something worth talking about. I guess...

I still don't know exactly what he said. But let me go back into my folded away memory.

Joseph is a gifted mind, given a coat by his father, and visions by God.

After getting out of prison, Joseph is brought before the Pharaoh , as the Pharaoh believes that Joseph is a "dream interpreter".

Joseph explains that he does not interpret dreams, he just tells what he sees in his visions, and that the visions are from God.

Pharaoh continues on to tell the 2 dreams he's had constantly:

One of 7 good ears of corn eaten up by 7 bad ears. And the next of 7 healthy cows being swallowed up by 7 sickly cows.

Pharaoh has had so many of his royal interpreters try to decipher his dreams and none of them could do it. So when he heard about Joseph, he found himself all out of options.

And Joseph delivers with this interpretation.

The 7 good ears of corn and healthy cows represent 7 years of feast, 7 years of plenty. And the 7 bad ears and sickly cows represent the 7 years of famine that will follow after. And Egypt may not survive if nothing is done.

So what can be done?

Joseph comes up with this plan:

During the years of plenty, take all the grain that Egypt has and store 1/5 of it underground. And then during the years of famine, give the 1/5 back to the people.

The plan saved Egypt from starvation and Joseph was made second in command to Pharaoh, and he continued to lead Egypt to great success.

This concept of "storing the fifth" can be applied to happiness as well.

When things go wrong, or the world is completely against you, find something you know makes you happy...

And store it somewhere you can find it later.

A good movie, your favourite comfort food, a conversation with an old friend. Something that calms you down and brings you back home.

And right now, I may not be in the middle of a 7 year famine, but I am working through a starvation of my own. So I am picking up the nearest shovel and I am digging for my stored fifth.

Problem is...

I still have no idea where it is.

I'll keep digging. But the ground is absolutely full of holes.

Alright, alright...

Let's me be honest when I call myself out for being a narcissist.

Because I am a narcissist when it comes to things like music, or poetry, or worldview.

In short, I'm pretty terrible.

But in my narcissism, there is a bit of a God complex.

Feeling like I am invincible and unshakable. Like no one is above me and like nobody can possibly be in my way.

Like I am in control of everything.

Like God.

But definitely not like God.

I try to pull myself away from that kind of thinking because it dehumanizes me. It makes me something I don't want people to see.

It doesn't matter if I enjoy the insanity while it overtakes my body because eventually I will come to realize that this is not the life I want.

That I am better than this.

I mean...

Am I not better?

I don't know.

God?

Can you tell me?

I need to figure out my complexes.

— The End —