I've got the January blues,
The Monday heaviness,
A kind of Tuesday Sadness.
I've got the Wednesday empties,
The Thursday lonelies,
And a Friday full of Madness.
Saturdays are cold and grey
While Sundays seem to slip away,
And the week recycles into blandness.

Screaming into the ether,
That’s all I have left.
I cannot be ungrateful,
For the opportunity that is dangling in front of me,
As it has been
For what feels like an eternity.

Time has stopped.
I cannot move forward.
I cannot take new paths.
I cannot build my future.
I am trapped in this bubble of waiting
And I can feel myself aging
As the world around me spins on.

I am hurting.
My darkness rearing its head
For another attempt
On my battle scarred soul.

I am not strong enough,
Not as I stand.
I have spent so much energy
On merely surviving,
And the ongoing torment
Of all the unknowns are weighing,
Far heavier, than I could have anticipated.

I am pained,
But the guilt I feel
By that little voice in my head,
That likes to tell me how good I have it
How fortunate I am,
How selfish and ridiculous I am being.

So I want to hide away
Pretend I’m fine,
I have no right to feel pained,
To feel broken down,
To cry.

I have no right to be hurting,
To feel like I have nowhere to go,
No right to be afraid,
That I’m moments away from becoming
Completely undone.

My illnesses taunt me,
And terrorise me,
So I’m lost and afraid.

I don’t have the words
To express the depth of this
Which scares me the most
As they are my only defence.

My walls are crumbling
The enemy has breached the gate
I’m trying to run
I fear its too late.

I am lost.

Depression
14. Anxiety
13. RAD
12. PTSD
11. Sleep
10. Sleep
9. Allergies
8. Dizziness
7. Eating Disorder
6. Headaches
5. Vitamins
4. Vitamins
3. Vitamins
2. Vitamins
1. Vitamins
                                  Yet none of them seem to help

deafandblind
deafandblind
deafandblind since the day i turned nine but
coping.
getting there.
working on it.

The mind it yells ‘imposter’
Each time I find the time to write
Never telling who I am, only telling who I am not.

Squawking, sulking in my ear
Drives the pen, the words to veer,
Drives the mind to that of Lears,
Into the sullenness of my volition.
Imposter, Imposter - not a syndrome but a title;

The title of my biography, the world’s class joke
The worlds least known, the worlds last hope.

I have a Saviour but I am my own,
Rather, I insist to be my own.

Hypnotized by the shadow, or not a shadow but a void,
A black void, not empty but falling,
Falling deep and a miss, falling, falling to my abyss -

Imposter Void Imposter, write your sweet nothingness,
I pity myself but I go on, Imposter Void Imposter -
Sympathetic, the abyss lends it’s kiss.