I am so drunk
On the bottle named Us
I want to repeat it all
By drowning in the thoughts of you

I want to get washed away
From the pain, the truth
I want to feel that numbness
Chug it all away with that filthy juice

I am stumbling and stuttering
I am a mess, a slouch, an addict
Waiting for a refill
Another cup of memories, please

I laughed, I shouted, I cried
Belligerent in the eyes of others
As I'm lost in only yours
Passing out alone 

The bottle emptied again
Not a drop of love left
And as I sober up, I realize
I am still hungover for you

It's such a cold feeling
Turning around to show you something
Excited to make you smile, to share with you
Only to remember, embarrassingly so
That I still have that bad habit
Of turning towards someone who isn't there anymore

your loose tobacco is
   still on my bed side dresser.
on a brown rectangle tray
  dried out leaves
    shriveled from lack of moisture
     along side a vase of dead roses.
       even the moon dims it's gaze
       it's silver light thinner without you.
         everything mourns your departure

   this house feels less than in your absence.
    i miss you, so i wear your clothes  
  no longer does lace grace these hips
    nor silk lay on this flesh
      for your palms are far
     from the peach orchard
    heavy showers
  cast dew on hand held mangos.
    it's been days
  since I've coated my pucker
   with red cherries
     for your lip stain is far from me.

       when the moon brings the cold
      the stars spill
      their ***** tonic waters.
     celestial bodies drink and weep
   pouring gallons of salted rose on
  the open wounds in the marsh.
    
         Lilies brush the scent
       of apple crisp,
       that refreshed the skin
        between my breast
        where you laid
         and I cradled your crown
         sweet scents of beautiful
            feathered doves
      
         all the night long
        I seek you in my bed
        where your ghost
       offers a bouquet of ripe
    grapes—their sweetness
    crushed by the weight of waiting  
    reminding me I've pressed your wine
      I tango with the shadow of amor
       keeping this heart beating
        tormented but clinging
          sugar coated covenant promise
             that I'll hide under my tongue
              until the day
               you're back home again.

Through all the years of wear and tear,
The sounds of night I cannot bear—
Laughter, joy, and friends’ delight
Contrast starkly with my lonely night.

Silence is the shade I own,
Yet warmth of friends is what I long.
Alas! My nature shuns the light,
Estranged from those in friendship’s sight.

For kindness, given, fades to naught
By those who held it all forgot.
So here I dwell in solemn plight,
Alone among the dead of night.

The line between madness,
The line between normality,
The price to pay for loneliness;
I ought to pay with sincerity.

In a world of madness,
The normal are insane,
The right are arcane,
And the abused are ridiculed by sadness.
I ought these days to go aflame,
For now, my madness, needs no blame.

A gray day
My body, a window, the tangerine trees, and the sea
A blanket over my back
A woman on my phone—not answering.

A taste in my mouth,
Sweet.
Maybe plums, maybe almonds,
Or maybe just loneliness.

A calm gaze,
A restless mind,
And deep down, peace.

The peace of freedom,
Of wanting, of loving.
But not at anyone else’s expense.

existing only in the memory, in the mirror
sublime image, a dotted line
wanting, crashing, writhing fatally
imaginary conversations, air drawings

no friend to call mine, intimacy denied
crunchy brain turning to foam
classes blurring, ears ringing
banging the floor till wrists are bruised

profanity, cruelty, pretty girls hating
feeling unwanted by boys (and the girls)
invisible or dissolved?

dishonoured, disgruntled, disillusioned, disenchanted
how right I was all alone
my subconscious mind sending tremors
       disconnection with my own spirit

"I am" I constantly whisper to myself
  in the little gaps of time I'm not dissociated
   fully aware of my material,
                                    not a vaporised form
that I assumed from the treatment of others

vapours solidify, vaporise, dissolve and vanish