Numb
My legs go numb
the thoughts invading my head
Stupid thoughts that I know are a figment of my imagination
I am starting to believe
the repetition tricking my body

I feel the exhaustion
the weight of my thoughts is crushing
I feel like Atlas, the weight of the world on his shoulder
Keeping it in when it's trying to get out.
Out of my eyes
out of my mouth
out of my pores, my nose, my ears

I feel like I'm going to *****
my voice gets small
my belief is growing in these lies I lay
I didn't think this before
I didn't feel this before

I know its stupid
I know I shouldn't believe it
but I do
and that's terrifying

chills.
shaking.
sweating.
insecure.
normal.
can’t stop thinking.
obsessive.
disorder.
compulsive.
no real problems.
doesn’t care
even though he says he does.
bite back tears.
smile but you can’t.
meaningless noise.
it’s all in your head.
want acceptance.
can’t get it.
all in your head.
can’t face monsters under your bed.
past wounds opening up.
bleed.
don’t like how they look at him.
don’t wanna sleep.
feel imperfect.
wish i was perfect.
small things get to me.
wish i had her body.
wonder if he’d like me more if—





what if—






what could—





why is—






how does—




they don’t—




does he—





i wonder—





not alone.
have someone.
not enough.
greedy *****.
hold internal grudges.
mind can’t get enough.
it feeds of corpses of past feelings.



swallows you up.
try not to cry.
smile and laugh.
talk and eat.





try to swallow it up,
but it eats you alive.
a parasite
destroying you from inside.
if you can acknowledge it’s root,
you will someday understand—



the key to happiness—



it’s right in your hand.







“but









why do i keep losing it, mother?”






“sometimes, you need to get the fog out of your mind.”




“how do i get the fog away?”





“face your problems,



even if it’s to your dismay.”





“but mother, i know this. it seems really easy. could you please stop with these riddles,
and help me find that key?”





“but honey all i’ve got to say is,






some kids have lost the key,




but try to find it on their own.





you are a weakling, as they say.




















stop crying about how hard it is
to live your easy day.”

Hello,
Creature of my thoughts
Have you come to
Play?
I hope all is well with you
Though I wish
You'd stop banging against
The walls of my skull
I can hear you knocking
But you are not a welcome guest.
The only time you enter is when
You enter through the window,
Quiet and deadly.

Silly string.
Overly colorful crazy silly string.
It clings to everything.
Hair, clothes, carpet.
And my mind.

Messy thoughts.
Cloaked in vibrant worms.
Endless reminders .
High definition bookmarks
3D in your face announcements

Desperate words
Hands grip limbs
Teeth nip  flesh
Cold water on skin
But nothing hinders them.


It causes
Seconds of concentration,
Minutes of begging,
hours of pure white pain,
And years of endless regret

How the **** can I get that **** out of this fabric.