Everytime i feel the urge to commit suicide ,
I try to feel  how a dead person is to us when he/she comits suicide.

When someone comits suicide
That person become a dead body to us within hours, just a cold insensible body and faded memory in days .
Time fly's like wind in a hurricane .

Try to think this from the point of that person who want to commit suicide .
How lazy and slow his days are ... Passing every hour for him is like slicing own arm that is pinned beneath an 800 pounds boulder !!
No numbing medicine .  unimaginable pain

Not everyone is "Aron Ralston"  
But everyone should posses his courage.
You can't live in your mind and expect you'll be saved .
Reality requires emotional resilience .
And pain demands to be felt .
You can endure all things by grace. !!!

I wanna stay alone
I wanna  be alone
I hate people, I hate crowd
Different and alone, I want to be
Alone doesn't mean lonely
Alone means safe and secure
Alone means fine
Alone is what I want
People are what I hate
Your existence bothers me
Doesn't matter for me
I can exist without you
You bather me
Leave
I want to live
Vanish
I want to flourish
Die
I want to try
To fly
To open my wings in the sky

They say I’m disconnected
that I’m withdrawn
that I wander off a lot
Aloof—someone who doesn’t conform

but what’s wrong with that?

why should I act
as if I am the same with others
when I’m trying to be myself---

---myself, who likes to think a lot
myself who sometimes doesn’t want to talk a lot
myself, who I am still trying to find
myself, who I am trying to build

what’s wrong with that?

and I can feel what I want to feel
I can be happy
I can be miserable at a certain time i need to be
I can be confident
I can be assured


I can shut down
and get away
when I feel like everybody
is draining the hell out of me

I’m just human
A person of my own
I have my individuality
ain't even stepping on anyone’s boundary

if I am like this,
what is wrong with that?


- c.s. (120319)

A quiet, calm, serene place,

contrast with my heart's pace.

Gently slipping into silence,

just like plush, soft and dense.


The smell of books my spirit sedates,

new or old, they are the gates

of my comfort castle, made of words,

where pages fly instead of birds.


Safe and warm, paper and pen,

I can write, this is my zen.

For paper puts up with a lot,

every line, curve and dot;

with each word I lay on the page,

I'm one step outside the cage;

Outside myself, this prison of mine,

the chaos spills into written line.


Away from problems, light and free,

peace at last, in the library.

Grill
Burn a little
Superficial surfaces
Reveal the real
Flavour

I am less than the sum of my parts,
I am glue,
Holding things together is what I do,
Always in the background I stay unseen,
Always in the places inbetween.

I am less than the sum of my parts,
I am glue,
Without me there wouldn't be any you,
Always in the dark but staying strong,
Always, I've been there all along

I feel the need to fill it all up,
my days, that is,
gather plans and gorge
on seamless social interactions,
slurping up smiles and gulping
down the cool liquid of laughter,
picking my teeth with the bare bones of boring conversation.
I’m an introvert, but time alone isn’t helping anymore.
Alone, I spiral. I starve.

What is the purpose?
Someone distract me from these things in my head called thoughts.
Nourish me, I am dying and I’m wanting it, too.
Please,
laugh until my stomach is so stuffed that I heave out another joke.
Talk until I bite my tongue and bleed, eagerly chewing, cheeks
hurting.

What neon emptiness has driven me here
to the all-you-can-eat buffet?
While I feast on my friends under these fluorescents
my shadows only wait.

Being an Introvert,
Doesn't mean being aloof nor rude
It is rather an art of living....alone
Our shyness is mistaken for insolence
And our being alone for having an attitude
Our trusted companion(mind) gives all the company that is needed
It fills us with thoughts so deep,
Another would drown in them
Feeling are so pure,
Angels would bow down to them