i have been practicing the art of
concealment
because i once thought that love
was a wide open field
where i could spin in careless circles
and scream at the top of my lungs
my every lucid thought
but have since realized
it is instead
a cold, haunted house
with creaking doors
that only open
with the hardest push
and the strongest of intentions
to get inside.

You don't know the reason behind my silence.
You don't know why my eyes are kept at a distance.
Trust me, it's much better this way.
When i'm silent.
When i'm numb.
When i'm not speaking.
When i'm acting dumb.
My gaze won't burn you.
But i fear you'd see the pathetic me in my eyes.
And i don't know if you're hurt when i'm silent.
But i know you'd be hurt if i let the words outta my mouth.
I don't wanna see you run away from fear.
I don't wanna push the evil inside there.
For it would definitely do something bad it isn't suppose to.
I don't wanna scare you.
So, it's better if you stay away.
Then being shoved as my prey.

But, darling, no one is understanding this.
My abilities are flowers and you're picking off all the petals
before I even have time to grow more.
My brain is a garden that I can only water when I'm alone,
so please understand that I will wilt and dry out when exposed
to too much social interaction for too long of a time.
I need time to recuperate, to grow, to freshen up.
Because a flower is no fun when it's wilted, and all the petals are gone.


(d.d.b)

i feel like a flower
born backwards

because i love the feeling of golden light all for me

but i shrivel in fear of my own sight to see

I never go to weddings
I'd usually end up using my magic girl power
Chasing the boy
Who asked me to catch him
And here's the catch;
"If you can."

I never go to weddings
I'd usually end up sulking away
Ignoring my frenemies
As I scorned at grown men
Leaning against the bar
Obviously wondering why,
Why,
I am not having any fun.

I never go to weddings
I'd usually end up sneaking out
With the guy I've been exchanging stares at
We'd talk all night

I looked forward to weddings, though,
I never go to weddings.

My habits didn't change
Once we snuck out to the nearby pool
Took off all our clothes
And I was photographed, stark naked,
Amidst the chlorinated stupidity

I never go to weddings
They're too uptight
I held up a glass of champagne and yelled,
"And ***** you!" to the man with a blue portrait
Of me in his wallet
As he kissed his bride for the third time

I never go to weddings
I'd usually end up being a bridesmaid
Wearing a ridiculous outfit
Smiling through the pain of my own singularity
And realising that no one really celebrates the couple for them
We are selfish

I never go to weddings . . .