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Some days I'm tired of you asking if I'm ok
The conversation of oh I'm fine
Can't you read in between the lines
I'm struggling in wanting to stay alive
I try and I try and I try
I know we've played this record before
I know it's not what I'm working towards
I don't know what goals or ambitions I want to archive
**** I'm just trying to be me
Some days I don't sleep or eat
Waking up is a feat
I wanna be you who has it all figured out
Instead I'm standing here like a clown
I'm tired of always hitting the ground
It's hard when that voice in my head tells me to stay down
Telling me no one cares if I stick around
So when you ask me if I'm ok
Some days I just don't know what to say.
Instead give me a hug
Show me some love and say I'm glad you woke up today
I'M GLAD YOU WOKE UP TODAY!!!!!!
No matter how hard you try
People Will always lie
They say you can't do this you can't do that
Some days you're so mad
You try to paint the perfect picture
But you always end up injured
You try to create the perfect smile
You always go that extra mile
They throw it on the ground
You never make a sound
You try to be creative
They'll never believe you'll make it
To be creative
You gotta be a native
So they say with a crown upon their head
They want you dead
You will rise
You will shine
You will be fine
Just give it time
You're worth more than a dime
You will create the heavens
You will teach them all lessons
I'm in pain everyday,
He says I'm always negative
But I can't get these feelings to go away
I've never been taught proper etiquette
The hopelessness has been here to stay
My god I don't even know what I'm doing here
I walk around so clueless thinking things will change but it always stays the same
He says it's my attitude but it's the only one I've ever known
It's the only thing I've ever been shown
I just bury the pain till I explode
I guess it's better then mutilation
I should know
The contemplation, to end my destination the fixation on the pain that always goes away
In the end it's all I've ever known
I get mad and sad I'm never glad I have real issues
I'm always crying I'm starting to run out of tissues
Does anyone care maybe they do maybe they don't
Maybe I can maybe I won't
This endless spiral this endless cycle
Who am I kidding I can't be a idol I give up before I start
I take almost everything to heart
I don't know how to change I guess I'm the true definition of insane
Maybe it's all in my brain
Something we don't condone
But I guess it's all I've ever known.
I had a good time
Some days I lost my mind
My world turns around
I was always lost, never found
I had dignity
I thought it would last for an infinity
Life was always a blur
I wish some things never occurred
I grew up broken with no hope
Mom and dad always on dope
I smiled
But it never lasted a while
I cry
I try
One day I will die
But my dignity
Will last a lifetime
And will always be mine
No matter how hard they try
No matter how hard I cry
I won't grab that knife
I won't end my life
10/21/17
She's afraid to look out the door.
She feels as if she can't take it anymore
She wants to run and hide
She's been living a lie…
Oh honey oh dear
I wish you were near
You left so quick and you lost your smile
Now you just walk for miles
Lost and dead
What's going on in your head.
You could be a queen
But instead you feen
The pain inside is starting to out shine
It's showing
And growing
It's leaving marks inside and out
As if you can't cry for help….
She loved with a passion like no other
She could never love another
The *** they had the love they made
She thought it would never fade
But then he walked away
She couldn't make him stay
The kisses stopped
The love was dropped
She cried
She lied
She said everything was fine
She started to draw the line
One drop, two drops three
They could never be
Four drops Five she watched as they hit the tub
While he was in the club
She was alone in the bed
Wishing it would end……

— The End —