Am i ok im 28 but dont stay out late getting drunk just aint my thang id rather just chill and vibe all day aint got **** going on anyway you see my spine dont go one way so i got pains. Ever since i almost died that day lost my best friend in car crash i survived some way. dont know how. Now my mind seems to be rewired but im tired of ****** with these wires i just aint the same. Im sorry dont blame me i tired. What would life had been like if i died and he survived. Would he feel the same? Or is it just me. Am i ok?

Your love is addicted.
Hurt as well.
But, i love it.

Your lips is so sweet.
But, it's all lie.
And i'm ok.

The world I live in
I wish it lasted a min
I hate the dark
It left me some marks

Do you even know
About all of the lows
Hey hows life
Oh I have deeply dived

Whats that? Go away?
I know Imma have to delay
Every scare you give
Makes you sad and not wanna live.

For years
I’ve kept it down.

It’s a
         pillow over mouth
         blanket over head
         Duct-tape and Gags
sort of feeling

Because I’m ok
    (they have to think im ok)
    (i dont know why but they have to)

It’s been
               Building
               Boiling
               Burning

               music in my ears
               words at my fingers
               Ties and Shackles

I have to be ok
    (if i tell myself that it has to be true)
    (i dont know why but i have to)

Really I’m Fine

then she told me
        - Maybe you should talk to someone?
        - I mean maybe... Ill be fine tho
        - Trust me, thats what I thought too
           but I did, and you kno the story better than anyone
        - If I find time then I guess so
        - Yus! I’m glad. Itll be goooood for you

Too bad my schedule’s full.

It’s fine
I’m fine
    (this hasnt been enough of a problem)
    (its been ok up until now)
    (this has always been there though)

why do I feel like this though?
              What do you guys talk about in that chat?
              Why do you like me? I’m a *****...
              Haha it’s not stupid! Why don’t you like it?
              *******!
              I make myself laugh more than I do others.
              Is this normal?
              HA!! Oh sorry...
              I’m a very self-aware person, self-reflective. It’s hard to explain...
             What? Is that stupid?
             Haha... yeah...
             im sad

I feel weird...
Why do I feel weird?
    (it isnt good. whats wrong? somethings wrong)
am I normal?
can someone help?
What am i doing wrong? whats wrong...
    (its not ok)
           im sad

How are you still here?
Are you locked in a maze of my memories?
Trying franticly to escape and
screaming your way into consciousness

New pills but the same tunes
It’s been so long and yet some days

It feels like I’m still trapped

In the personal hell you constructed for me

You owned not only the key
Nor the concrete windowless walls
Nor the velvet-thick darkness surrounding me
as I begged for you to let your light in again
but you owned me too

You didn’t even need chains to keep me there
My heavy heart held me down more than any metal could
I can’t even say I escaped
Because you

let me go

Twice

Both times reopening the deadbolts to call me back
And obediently I came crawling in

And then you shoved me out again
This time without warning

The light burned my eyes and my skin
My hands bled as I scratched at the door
Tears choking all the words back to my stomach
And when I couldn’t feel anything anymore
I grabbed a knife

and carved a map into my skin
Desperately waiting for you to call me back again
But you didn’t

And I’d like to say that I’m ok now
That you no longer torture me
But I’m not.
And you still do.

Of course she helps
I swear someone sent an Angel
And I’m not worthy of her
But she still loves me
And I’m terrified that one day
my demons will tear through her wings
just like you tore through my heart
And though she helps mend it again

It will never be whole again

Because you stole a piece for your own sick collection.

I’m walking on broken glass
Looking up toward the overcast
so many empty faces pass
no one looks at me
and they leave at last
I’m between the present and the past
no relationships are going to last
I’m nowhere near any kind of track
maybe if you had paid more attention
I wouldn’t be hurting this bad
my heels dig into the grass
but I guess I’m ok
everyone’s still rushing past