I held your hands when you were very very angry
I've been lost, stolen, and have felt weeknight pity
My cure for loneliness was a waste of energy

My life is a sentence constantly being rewritten
My life is a black line erased with a frequent recurrence
Fire to dust with your cold and new blandishments

I said "Fun can turn over when sober very quickly"
Open your mouth to my wine, and somehow take it away
Your words have become more and more filthy

I just want you to stay with me, don't you want to?
Its hard not to know how your days begins
When you're lying next to someone new

Stop giving him excuses.
He wasn't too busy to reply.
He should have at least said goodbye.
Stop giving him excuses.
He wasn't to busy to call.
He should have given it his all.
Stupid girl, stop giving him excuses.
He wasn't there for you like he should be.
He should have the decency to see.
So please.

Stop giving him excuses,
Reasons for him not to care.
Because for you to be treated like ****,
Isn't and never will be fair.

I wasn't born handsome
Clever or smart.
I have a mean streak
Some say I have no heart.
My Ex Wife says I'm moody
My mood changes daily.
Sometimes I'm not right in the head
Man I'm just crazy.
My Ex thinks I'm nuts
She says I'm mentally unstable.
I was a terrible husband
But as a father
She said I was more than able.
Our breakup brought out harsh feelings
We argue, fuss & fight.
Being married was hell
But being a father felt so right.
I love my children
For them I was ALWAYS there.
They knew from the depths of their hearts
That their Daddy really cares.
Walked them to & from school
They were with me all the time.
I am so proud of my children
I am so BLESSED that they are mine.
I am not in their lives right now
Because of my past mistakes.
This separation from them is painful
The worst kind of heartache.
God I'm begging you
Please let me be in their life.
Make things better
Between me & my Ex Wife.
My children are the best thing
You ever gave me.
They are my link to you
Yours & their Love
Is the only thing that can save me.
I'm miserable all the time
I feel pain deep in my soul.
I cry all the time
I've lost total control.
God please hear my pleas
My soul is crying out.
Everything is taken from me
But my children I can't live without.
If this is how it's going to be
Lord take me today.
If my kids are gone from me
I don't want to live anyway.
*God Please Let Me Be A Father

We were and will always be soul mates and yet,
I need to stay as far away from you as possible.

These voices are still talking to me
Each day they get louder.
They call me when I'm
Eating, sleeping, at work
Even in the shower.
They tell me I'm a failure
The voices are so clear.
They dominate my mind
They are the only thing I hear.
They direct my every step
They took over my soul.
I've finally gave into them
They are now in control.
They are my new counsel
I can't think for myself.
All I need is my voices
I don't need anyone else.
They understand my pain
They know what I've been through.
They know I need pain relief
They told me what to do.
They told me how to end my torment
How to set myself free.
This is their recipe for pain relief
They tell me constantly.
PILLS
KNIFE
WRIST
PAIN
GONE
It sounds so simple
Maybe I should listen.
Maybe this is the solution
To the serenity I've been missing.
Maybe this is the answer
Because this life is **** hard.
It's left me broken & hopeless
I'm emotionally scared.
I've been broken to the point
To where I've gone insane.
Everyone has abandoned me
But my voices remain.
They stuck with me through the rough times
Always by my side.
They made their presence felt
They can no longer be denied.
They stuck by me
When I was emotionally spent.
Are these voices a curse
Or are they truly
Heaven sent.
Are these voices giving me good advice
They seem to know what's best.
Maybe the way to end this pain
Is to seek eternal rest.
I'm tired of this life anyway
These voices just might be right.
I think I'll take their advice
& have some pain relief tonight.

These voices won't shut up
They are making noises all the time.
I wish I could ignore them
Then I know I'll be fine.
I thought if I stopped listening
That would be the end of this problem.
These voices say they can help me
My issues they say they can solve them.
I've gotten to the point
Where I answer them back.
It's tiring to feel
Like my sanity is under attack.
People think I talk to myself
They think I'm crazy.
I'm just having conversations
With those voices inside of me.
The voices know all
They know my secrets, my fears, my desires.
They know how to push my buttons.
They keep my soul on fire.
They take me out of my character
They turn me to someone I don't want to be.
These voices stole my life
What more do they want from me?
The voices won't shut up
They talk & talk & talk.
Why won't they leave me alone
& find someone else to stalk.
I just want serenity
& some peace & quiet.
Unfortunately, these voices are a part of me
I can no longer deny it.
I'm ashamed to admit that
It feels like my life has been cursed.
These voices already made me hit rock bottom
Can it get any worse?
Can these voices & me coexist
Can we share the same mind?
Can they make my life positive
Or keep hurting me everytime?
Please voices release me
You've caused enough damage.
These voices act like I need them
If they leave, I'm sure I can manage.
Voices leave me alone
Or just shut the hell up.
I really don't believe that will ever happen.
I think forever we're stuck.

Just got out the hospital
These pills took control.
I'm sitting here with a sore throat
From a tube filled with charcoal.
I took 20 pills
I guess it wasn't quite enough.
The pills dared me to take them
I actually called their bluff.
They call out to me
They say I should end it all.
They say they could heal me
They say they won't let me fall.
They claim they could end the pain
They'll take away the misery.
These are the things I hear
When my pills are calling me.
My pills promise me peace
They promise me tranquility.
They tell they'll help me
But I listen with uncertainty.
My Father will be disappointed
My Mother would cry.
The pills tell me
Be selfish
You know you want to die.
My kids would be devestated
My wife might blame herself.
My pills say forget them
Only think of yourself.
Think of this pain
That you really want to end.
My pills tell me they love me
They are my true friends.
My pills have only my best interests
They claim they'll help me through.
They tell me:
Robert we want to get this
Dark cloud away from you.
My pills say the best release is
For me to be dead.
Are they really calling me
Or is it all in my head?
Maybe one day I'll listen
Next time they call for me.
I just hope the pills will do as promised
Take away the pain completely.

Voices get out of my head
Please leave me alone.
Whatever problems I have in life
I'd rather deal with it on my own.
I don't need your counsel
Nor do I need your advice.
I'm capable of making my own decisions
I think my own thoughts will suffice.
These demons inside of me
Are taking control.
They have taken over my mind, my body
Now they want my soul.
They want me to fail
They don't want me to succeed.
I want to be left alone
Right now that's exactly what I need.
I don't need inner voices
Trying to impose their will.
I just need calm in my life
Peace be still.
Why can't these demons
Just leave me be?
What is this fascination
That they have with me?
I've tried begging and praying
For these demons to depart.
They have taken over my mind
Now they are going for my heart.
These demons have changed me
From the person I used to be.
People who used to know me
Barely recognized me.
I don't smile anymore
I keep a scowl on my face.
The person I used to be
Is gone there's barely a trace.
Please demons go away
Please allow me to prosper.
You took my kids from me
& my wife
I forever lost her.
Demons & voices you've destroyed me
If this was your plan
You've succeeded
My soul has been dammed.

I look back on my life
I reflect on my past.
I saw how I just stood still
Never quite followed any clear path.
How could people respect me
If I didn't make any positive moves?
I live in self-hate
With a bad attitude.
I lost my woman, my children
My home, my family.
My life is a dark cloud I live in misery.
I even tried to **** myself
Just the other day.
But God wouldn't let it happen
He kept me anyway.
I called my pastor
He was busy at the time.
I was having a mental meltdown
I was losing my mind.
I took a handful of pills
That only made me sick.
I can't even end my own life
Ain't that a b*tch.
If I ever succeed with suicide
Don't give Leesah the blame.
I'm just tired of this life
I'm not mentally sane.
The only thing that matters
Is my children that I love so.
They are gone from me
My life has no meaning, I think it's my time to go.
My family has turned their backs on me
I ran them all away.
I have mental issues I'm ignoring
Getting more ill everyday.
I hear voices in my head
They talk to me all the time
They torment me
These voices mess with my mind.
My inner voices are my only friends
I know that sounds quite odd.
The only thing I have to hold onto
Are these voices & God.
Nothing else is there for me
No one else is there.
I live a life of pure loneliness
I think no one else cares.
My-Ex says I'm unstable
She says I'm mentally unwell.
She tried to help me, I refused
Now I live in my own personal Hell.
I saw the pain in her eyes
She looks at me with pure disgust.
I allowed my mental illness
To betray her trust.
I can't believe how my life
Has turned for the worst.
I feel like my life is a joke
I feel like I'm cursed.
The mistakes I made in life
Were caused by my own hands.
I went through living my life
Without any clear cut plans.
I've tried talking to God
To him I constantly pray.
It seems as he's forsaken me
Because he doesn't hear me anyway.
I know that's my illness talking
Those voices wanting my faith to waiver.
I'll never let that happen
Because one day I know
I'll receive God's favor.
My mind is everywhere
Mental illness has a hold on my life.
My-Ex tried to warn me.
Why didn't I listen to my wife?
I thought losing my family
Caused my downward spiral.
But truth be told
It was happening for a while.
My mental illness has ruined me
It's left me mentally & physically depleted.
I messed up my life
Because my illness went untreated.
Is it too late to get help?
Why? My family's gone.
I lost my wife, my children
Do I want to go on?
If I never write again
If this poem is my last write.
I know I was the blame
I finally saw the light.
My pride didn't allow me to admit
I'm mentally unstable, mentally unwell.
Because I didn't listen to Leesah
I live in my own lonely private hell.