I thought I could do it; God knows I’ve been trying.
But now I’m not so sure. I’ll just keep hiding it and lying.

I’m not doing well—I haven’t been since I can remember.
I’m trying, I promise that I am; but I don’t think I’m going to make it past December.

It’s easier for me to be strong for other people,
But when it comes to myself, I’m less resilient.
You see, I still don’t love myself enough; isn’t that just brilliant?

I’ve made big strides on the path of self-love,
But I still have such a long way to go.
How does one keep going when it feels like they’re always lost, always searching for home?

I’ve always found comfort in the heart of another person.
You see, they become my home, and when they leave, my self-love only worsens.

I need to find comfort within myself and start looking more inward.
But that’s easier said than done, especially when you want to be done with moving forward.

I don’t want to give up, but then again, yes, I do.
I’m so tired of everything, and honestly, the only thing that was keeping me going was you.

But I’ll never tell you that because, God, it would **** me if you knew.
I know the guilt would eat you alive, and that’s the last thing I want to do.
You don’t need any more on your plate, especially not in the volumes that I have.

Yeah, I know everyone has baggage, but mine is a storm.
A weight too heavy, a shape that doesn’t conform.
It’s chaos wrapped in silence, a burden I can’t share,
A never-ending ache that lingers in the air.

So I’ll carry it alone, no matter how it burns,
And shield you from the darkness with every twist and turn.
You’ve got enough to handle; you don’t need my despair,
I’ll lock it all away—it’s mine alone to bear.

So instead, you’ll never know, because I just couldn’t live with myself if you ever found out.
I have never loved someone more than I love you—that’s the truth, without a doubt.

And even if I decide to leave this earth because the pain just won’t stop,
I don’t want you to ever realize or notice.
There’s more to life than waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I don’t know how many times I can say it, but I just want you to be filled with joy.
So, you’ll never find out just how badly I’m struggling; I’ll just keep pretending and act coy.

You see, I can be a good actress; I put on a ******* good show.
So even if you stop hearing from me, I just want to remind you one last time, because you deserve to know:
I love you with every ounce of my being, and God, I hope you know that’s true.
I’ve honestly never loved anybody as much as I love you.

Our souls are connected—I can feel it; it’s true.
If I can’t be the one to love you, I just hope she does a decent job too.

I love you. I’m sorry. I’ll try to hang on for as long as I can.
But I can no longer promise that I’ll stay; please just know I’ve never met a better man.

I hope she makes you happy and that your love she’ll never outgrow.
You deserve the world, my love. I hope you understand and know.
And that’ll be the last thing you hear from me after I decide it’s time to let go.

I’ll take a step back, I’ll say goodbye.
I’ll put on a smile, even though all I want to do is cry.

I want you to be happy, no matter what that means.
I prioritize your happiness and well-being over my own, it seems.

But that’s what love is: being selflessly devoted.
I’ll gladly continue to sink as long as you’re the one who has floated.

After everything you’ve endured, you don’t need any more stress.
So, I can walk away—I just need to get this off my chest.

You are the most incredible person I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting.
That’s why I don’t give a **** that my heart is the one taking the beating.

If she is the one, your person, your soulmate,
Why was she in your life for so long before she realized? In my opinion, she’s too late.

Yeah, maybe that’s selfish thinking, to bring up our instantaneous connection.
But you’ve known her for how long, and she’s just now mentioning how she’s always craved your attention?

Maybe I’m bold, maybe I’m just insane.
But from day one of meeting you, there’s no way I could have kept that a secret; you truly consume my entire brain.

If I were her, I would’ve blurted out that I loved you from the moment we met.
So why, after all this time, does she want you to know? It’s like she doesn’t want you to forget.

I don’t know her; I won’t villainize her.
I’m sure she’s a lovely girl. But, sorry-not-sorry, she won’t give you the world.

Like I will, if you’ll let me. It just honestly doesn’t make sense.
How could she let you live life alone when you’ve been begging to be seen?

I see you, John. I’ve seen you since the moment we met.
I don’t want to give up on us—not ever, not just yet.

You’re telling me she could have had you this entire time,
Yet just recently she let you know that you’ve “always been on her mind.”

I’m not calling her a liar—it’s not hard to see why that could be the case.
But I’m just worried she is playing a silly game of chase.

Whereas I am playing the long game; I’m not going anywhere.
I want your love, your heart—****, I want your last name.

Maybe I’m the one who is delusional, or ridiculous, or crazy.
Honestly, I can’t help it; ever since I’ve met you, everything in my life has been a little hazy.

The only real clarity I’ve been able to see is you.
While everything else is dark and hopeless, the only thing keeping me going is how my feelings are true.

I’ve never felt this way, John. There are no words to describe how I feel.
Saying “I love you” doesn’t come close to expressing how this has to be the real deal.

The love poets write about, the kind people die for.
I swear to God, these feelings shake me down to my core.

I BURN for you, in every ******* imaginable way.
You are always in my head and heart, every second of every day.

I want you to know you are so loved, whether it’s me you pick or not.
I’m constantly trying to figure out if I should give up or continue shooting my shot.

You see, I don’t want to make this harder on you; you don’t deserve to feel torn.
I just want to fight for this, fight for you, fight for us—because the love I feel we’d have is all I’ve ever wanted since I was born.

My body literally shakes just thinking about you.
My emotions are so strong, I genuinely don’t know what else to do.

This is something special, something truly unique.
A love I know you and I have always tried to seek.

We could have the world’s sweetest love story, two people completely obsessed with each other.
But to get there, we both have to endure this current purgatory.

I know you don’t want to hurt anyone, and if I have to I’ll take one for the team.
Because, truly, I’d rather be the one to die than have any more shots taken to your self-esteem.

You are beautiful and wonderful—what the world needs more of.
I have no problem expressing that you’re the one that I love.

If she feels this way too, then I won’t be able to assist.
But honestly, I can’t see that happening—how did she not know she loved you from the moment she realized you exist?

Because that’s what happened to me. And yeah, I wear my heart on my sleeve.
Maybe that’s my problem, but I don’t care; I actually believe.

I believe in us and what we could become.
I believe we could be the greatest love story—a love so strong we’d both forget what it ever felt like to be numb.

I want that for you, more so than for me.
I want you to feel true happiness and love—I want your soul to be set free.

Free from the pain, from the demons you keep.
I just want to be the person you wake up next to and the one you’re with when you fall asleep.

I don’t want to make this harder on you; I just want to express how I feel.
Because I know she’ll do the same, but I hope you can tell which one is more real.

I don’t know about you, but I want someone who is sure they love me—that I’m their home.
I don’t want someone who, after years, finally decides they want to be with me because it’s better than being alone.

If, after all this, I’m still not the one you choose,
Please don’t worry about me. Even though, I’m sensitive and easily bruised.

But don’t let your heart be heavy. Don’t worry about me at all.
Because, although I hope I’m your person (and honestly, I feel I am), this story—our story—will always be my favorite to recall.

I love you. I adore you. I’m yours, if you’ll have me.
We could have the world’s sweetest love story—that’s a promise I can guarantee.

It’s easier to be mad at you than it is to admit that I miss you.
It’s easier to pretend to hate you than it is to admit that I love you.

I don’t think you’ll leave my mind any time soon.
Genuinely, You are the stars to my moon.
Honestly, I hope you never will; I hope it just gets easier on my heart.
I patiently wait to hear from you still, which honestly sounds really stupid—I swear to God, I’m actually pretty smart.

It may not seem that way because you’ve turned my world upside down.
I promise I don’t typically walk around with a constant frown.

I’m fine, really. I’m just trying to heal.
Most of the time, my brain tries to convince me that you’re not even real.

You see, my brain does this thing where it makes me forget.
You’d think that would be helpful during hard times like this.

And although it can be helpful, it also really hurts.
Because I don’t want to forget you,
Remembering that you exist keeps me from living in the dirt.

Okay, that may be dramatic, but I can’t really help it.
I’ve always had emotions too strong to control, but I’m trying my best to deal with it.

They say it’s a superpower, and I swear I’m trying to believe them.
Because honestly, it mostly feels like a curse, not a hidden gem.

My emotions have always controlled me, so I’m trying my best to learn to control them.
I figure it’s the best way to solve most of my problems.

You see, I am emotional, loving, and kind.
But most people don’t know that because I don’t let them into my mind.

But you? You’re stuck there. Like I said, you live rent-free. But I need to try to move on because I also understand that I need to let you be.

We both have demons that we’re fighting with every day.
Although I wish I could be there to help you fight yours,
I don’t want to stand in your way.

In the way of happiness,
The way of a future with her.
You see, I’d rather you be happy, even if it’s not with me—
Even though you are my clarity while everything else is a blur.

You see, that coping mechanism that I mentioned,
The one about subconsciously forgetting?
Yeah, well no matter how hard I’ve tried to fix it, I can’t; which is extremely frustrating and upsetting. Honestly, mostly I just find it so ******* confusing. I don’t ever have control over it, but I guess my feelings for you are the reason it’s diffusing.

When it comes to you, it’s hard to forget anything you said. When you spoke, it’s like my brain was writing down notes by carving them into my head.

Like, I remember your middle name and that you were born in March.
I even remember the color of your eyes and the way your smile has a slight arch.
You see, you mostly sent me pictures of your smirk, and I think I know why.
You’re busy fighting your demons so much,
Trying your best to forget, even if that means getting high.

So, you can’t genuinely smile much because you’re in so much pain.
I can relate and it makes my heart hurt,
And I wish I could help take it all away.

I could write for hours about you, but I should let my brain rest.
As I mentioned, you’re living rent-free in my head,
And I need to get some energy for tomorrow.
You see, every day I’ve really been failing the “I don’t miss you” test.

Blocked. In that moment, it felt like the world was crashing down around me. I wondered if our paths would ever cross again, praying that maybe, just maybe, you might change your mind. Every connection to you vanished, leaving only the pictures behind. I’m not angry, not even a little. I understand that you feel this is the only way to find space. It’s your instinct to run, and it’s mine to chase, even if every path leads to a dead end. The silence of the room feels deafening now, no notifications, no sound of your voice, just my thoughts, growing louder by the second. Being without you is like gazing at a night sky lit only by the moon, the stars nowhere to fill the void. It’s like hearing your favorite song with missing lyrics, wanting to sing along, but it doesn’t feel right. I know you don’t need me here, but I want to be. I wanted to be your anchor in the fiercest storms, the ears that listened to every worry, the heart that healed with yours. Push me away, shut me out as many times as you need, just as long as you come back. My love for you transcends every wall, every barrier, every goodbye. Even if this truly is the last one, you’ll always have a place deep within my heart and soul. I’ve grown with you. And while I may not be the best version of myself, you’ve made me better. Your touch has healed pieces of me that I thought were irreparable, fragments broken by years of hurt and trauma. You deserve peace, happiness, and pride in who you are. Even if we never speak again, I hope one day you’ll see yourself the way I see you: extraordinary, strong, beautiful, and irreplaceable. I hope this isn’t the end as my love for you is eternal. Even when the candle burns out, its remnants can be molded into something lasting, something strong. And so will my love for you remain, shaping itself into eternity.

Your heart is so loving, so beautiful, so kind.
There’s not a single day now that goes by
That you’re not on my mind.

You’ve touched me in ways I’ve never been touched before.
You’ve touched me, yet you’ve never actually touched me before.
By that, I mean my soul felt found, as it’s always been lost.
I understand that putting yourself out there comes with a cost.

I am so thankful you exist and that our lives somehow crossed paths. I will miss seeing your smile; I will miss hearing you laugh.

My heart is bruised, my stomach in knots.
Many other people are shooting their shot,
But my basket is moving, swerving all of the *****.
I’m no longer interested in entertaining others;
I hope one day your heart calls.

You live rent-free in my head.
I think about you 25/8—if that even exists.
Who knows? You could be my soulmate.

I’ll never forget you, and boy, I don’t want to.
I hope one day you’ll let me love you.
You’ve made a dent in my brain the size of a crater.
This isn’t “goodbye”; this is simply “see you later.”

She told me she remembers fondly when she looks back
And I'm glad she has that but I have enough phantoms in my past
And I still remember the way she looked standing in the window hair halo'd with light smile sun dappled as she laughed
But nothing lasts
So im left alone again and fractured as if nothing mattered
Just another **** regret
Damage collateral

Seeds scattered
gather the courage
to germinate, emerge
as fertile, verdant trees
of evergreen and birch,
breeze's tease and flirt
enough to render
Earth fractured–
shattered.

Underneath the dirt
remorse's corpse interred,
lurking thoughts linger,
yet something within me
still stirs and burns;
searching the surface
for touch, tender.

Heart murmurs
but not as
a murmuration of starlings depart,
more like crows murdered;
buzzards, vultures circling birds
conjured–
the curse unburied torture,
no dying words in final dirge
and yet it yearns
for yesterday's return.

Memories my mind blurs,
senses fervently usurped–
but time can never
be reversed,
this cistern's nature
gushing to a turbulent river,
water's surging,
turgid current, pure;
about to die of thirst,
this dam soon fills to burst,
my love i spill and purge
as i remember her.

I was an earlier version
of an imperfect person,
a scourge
of that I stand assured,
but this pain is
terminal,
permanent,
and the only cure
is her laughter,
rapture,
or feeling
fragile fingers,
shelter–
you certainly weren't the first heartbreak I've had
but **** it hurts the worst.