I suppose I’m a bit like fate and you’re a bit like time
We are the same
Twin flame?

Fate cannot choose what it wants
It rides the waves and attempts to guess

Time decides it’s every move
Careful planning
Striving to improve

We admire our differences
A perfect disharmony

A sprinkle of logic
And a heaping of chaos

We meet in the middle
But never further

For we’re still independent
The participant and the observer

i'm still in the mud
growing from the dank lush mud
up to that which is

I took time for a walk
And she pulled on the leash
At first, I kept my ground
Heels lifted tip-toeing arm outstretched
Eventually I had to follow my shoulder  

She led me past streets and streets
Of large houses full of large people
Symmetrical windows and faces
Coarse grass reached through my shoes

With a slow jog, we came to a field
My feet landing in every crack in the pavement
The sun sat square in the centre of the sky
As we left the sky turned to ocean

Running now through neon and road signs
Swimming in the dark rain
Puddles splash as we pick up the pace
Diverting onto the road

My 20s were a flurry of leaves
On grey morning ground
I know I have much further to go
But. I'm already halfway

My 30s were a sprint
My 40s a still faster walk
50s, 60s, 70s
We finally slow

I wander now
Between each step is an infinity
But each foot fall
Passes in an instant

I walk closer and closer to the evening sun
A shadow extends behind me forever
And the way reaches in front of me even longer

We are polar opposites
you grow towards the sun, i towards the moon
yet i feel, we were made to love each other

I'm waiting for the world to turn,
For me to grow in another year,
My hair will get longer,
And my emotions will change,
Doing nothing while healing from surgery was so sublime,
But now I have to face the oncoming storm,
Of work and responsibilities that I hid from for so long,
Last year,
At this exact moment,
I was waiting for the same thing.

It makes me wonder,
Is this all that I will do?,
Wait and wait until I feel like I'm grown?,
I'm already 19,
Considered an adult by society,
Yet when I look at myself in the mirror,
I still feel like a child.

I guess I'm waiting for a moment that will never happen,
When the world sends me a sign,
A sign that will change my own self perspective,
So when I look in the mirror,
I can see an adult.

I am staring to feel that Salem sadness,
That I felt last year in the dorm,
I guess you can call it mental illness madness,
But it sure doesn't feel like the norm,
Lucy dacus says that she could **** him if I let her,
And Dan Barrett says no one will ever want me,
I don't understand the allure,
Of becoming who everyone wants me to be.
I got a tattoo at the end of last year,
A serial code for a replicant I love,
Sometimes I feel the same fear,
Illustrated in his face while holding a dove.
Bloodhail playing as I waste time,
In my new dorm,
Doing nothing while healing from surgery was so sublime,
But now I have to face the oncoming storm,
Of work and responsibilities that I hid from for so long,
Faces sweaty arms and legs what a glorious set of stairs this song makes,
I gained too much weight and no longer feel strong,
Guess I should have gone back to work and stopped indulging in things like cakes,
I'm trying not to eat that much anymore,
It isn't worth it when I feel too round and fat,
Just enough to sustain me and restore,
The energy that I spend doing this and that.
I no longer have hyperfixations on things I love,
it makes me feel so horribly empty,
I don't know how to fill my brain up with stories and men from above,
When it no longer brings me joy and won't tempt me,
Is this a part of growing up?,
Losing all the things you loved as a teenager?,
I draw a tarot card and I'll get the cups,
I can only sing in c major.
I guess I'm just starting to grow out of it all,
As scary as that sounds,
Will future me mourn for the current me,
As I mourn for the teenager that had created stories since he was born?

The bonsai grew all wrong
Its branches outweigh the base
And the wood is whispy and pale
Without the spring a sapling entails
It's big, much too big, too long
A band stretched past its place
Becomes a twig in impatient hands
Pressured, and snapped, and palmed
Bonsai's mature slowly
With snow and vibrant leaves
To rush things is more than lowly
You've sold their soul you thieves

As I sit, my heart stands and my head goes roaming.
I am half lost in thought and dilemma of growth. The wishes of growing up getting intense on my nerves as I don’t wish to get any younger much as age keeps me on the advance.
Now, I count the mornings, days and the nights knowing it’s easy to slumber but not with the weight of my dreams. When I look at the mark of 100% and haven’t attained close to 50% I go weary. Midlife crisis has struck with its luggage of famous responsibilities.
I will not stay comfortable because my age mates aren’t where my focus is for I believe I need to set the bar for myself and my companions. The thought of it itches so bad so bad to bring me butterflies, and then goes insecurity, to loose what you already have grip on. Family, closet friends and your hustling grounds.
To this point the rhyme of Psalms 23 keep rolling on my lips as my eyes are close in meditation, every time I sit even when I go to bed. I want to raise my hand to admit it’s not easy being an adult, neither is it so hard. The difference comes when we fail to strike a balance to know WHAT GOES ON AND WHAT WE MUST LET GO?
In the end I come to appreciate Life, Life God has given me and has given us. Something I have as the biggest asset I run to the third floor.
I am not concerning about who went there first; I am in contemplation of the uniqueness I will bring to the table. We nearly live half of our lives in 20’s as it’s believed to be a time of adventure. Well I can’t regret want I went through for these lessons I am ready to carry to the third floor and a warning to myself that I won’t tolerate anything or even myself for standing in my way. To those who choose us and set to battle and see us better, cheers and to blood suckers against our progress talk to the hand.