I told you from the beginning...
If you touch me,
You'll hurt me.
You heard me,
So you laid your hands on me to pray

Hello everyone,

  I'm so very sorry … I feel horrible doing this, but I have no choice. You see, I have published my first book on Amazon/Kindle! This piece (and many others) had to be taken down because they do not allow published material to be available online for free. (Go figure) I wanted to leave the shell of the posts because I felt compelled to leave all your helpful and loving comments. (Silly sentimental, I know), but I also didn't want to just have the pieces disappear without an explanation. I feel bad enough as it is!

  I owe ALL of you so, SO much for all of your reads, love, and support. It was YOU that gave me the gumption to FINALLY get off my **** and publish! Thank you all for the warm comments, camaraderie, and encouragement! I will still be here, reading, uploading and just being the Rascal that I am. How could I EVER leave you guys?

  The book is called “The Way I See It – FictionPhilosophySoul Food” and it will be FREE for the first few days on Kindle Select, so watch for it, if you are interested. I hope that you go and grab it. If you do, I would also hope that you find it worthy, you would leave me a good review. That will help me get in the public eye! Soon afterward (2-3 days or so), it will be available in paperback.

Find the book(s) here: www.amazon.com/author/jeff.gaines

Or find the book(s), and all about me, here: www.JeffGaines.world

  Soon after, I also hope to have my first novel (a supernatural thriller), called “Wanderer” available as well!

  Wish me luck!

                                Big, Biggest Love,

                                               Jeff Gaines

youre a city girl raised on

fantasy-realities of ivy leagues and

imminent success your 
only scars are pimple scars

remainders of a childhood
of 
vaguesuccesses.

exceptional, they call you, who were

bred and groomed for this title

talent is a spectre that haunts

you and your sibling and every

otherchild

born into that grey area between

happy and sad.

you have the world beneath your

dainty soft feet but its never

enough to bring you to the summit of

the desires (expectations) that
push down on you like

a suffocating cloud that waters your eyes
   and 
chokes your lungs. youre afraid to leap

up (out of sight out of mind out of the safe cradle
of a mothers wisdom and a fathers love and

the familiarity of being a tightly coiled rope ready to snap)

and into a sky where suddenly that weight is

lifted and you feel light

       (the weight is comfortable, it keeps you grounded)

                                    and perhaps
that you were moulded with

this constant belief that you [are/must be] the best is

the __ (only/best) reason to stop yourself.

when others have problems that seem so

much grander and you in your protective bubble

that even a city cannot permeate (you ignore the sight of beggars

or thieves or poverty and avert your eyes

from anything that contradicts

the perceptions that you have, it doesnt
matter if youre in a city

plagued by pain and exploitation

as long as you can live in your (steel tinted) dreams)

you wish that you had that claim to fame (isnt it sad that

were so desperate for relevance we
selfishly wish for suffering, trading your own

trivial vices).

but you [dont understand/cant understand/will never understand]

no matter how many times you
sympathise and complain and romanticise.

youre just a pimple-scarred city girl carrying

a world of ideals and expectations on

                   your shoulders.

There are things I love
And things I loathe.

Maybe I woke up
On the wrong side of the bed
Or the same side of the bed
I wake up on every morning.

Or maybe I don't do well
On mornings after I've cried.

Maybe I'm just
Naturally a little
Bit meaner than
I look.

Not that I don't have a heart
Of gold and good intentions
But you know what they say
About good intentions.

There are things I love
And things I loathe.

And today fell more on
The second side.

Good intentions lay around us like unopened books
We thought we might, but we never even took a look
We thought we might, but our actions where null
We just stayed in our lull

Our intentions where grand
But we never took that stand
We know we failed
We are on that paved road sraight to hell

I'm the thief of your dreams; I've gone and turned them all black.
Everything you wanted for me, everything you hoped I'd be I threw back.
Now you worry and smother me with all of your good intentions,
But I lie to you through my teeth-- even my "truths" are inventions.

Good intentions lay around us like unopened books
We thought we might, but we never even took a look
We thought we might, but our actions where null
We just stayed in our lull

Our intentions where grand
But we never took that stand
We know we failed
We are on that paved road sraight to hell