I will be there when you need me
and when you don't
I'll be a dream.
I'm  not the past
not the present
but something in between.
If anything
I'm sorta just a broken gift,
that can love you for the all of it
cuz I just learned forgetting.
You wouldn't believe the luck
that I'm not getting.
My funerals now look like weddings
I don't care about my caring
just a tragic story playing...
so you know I won't be noticed

A black flag frees its soul to the wind,
Enslaved to the hearse it precedes.

Colors of an ironic freedom hit the pavement,
Guiding the wheels that lead the wretched home.

No one follows.

No one asks whose parade this is.

No one reads a ******* eulogy.

No one will weep for the silent heart wilting in its flowery dream.

I brought you a daisy
Because that was the name of my dog
And one of my favorite literary characters.
I came up, let the light shine in
And now you're alone.
I wore my necktie made of rope;
I was ready to die,
But not ready to choke.
And when they found you in that hotel room
I flashed back to the days I spent
Locked away with the speech team
In rooms very similar to the one
Your life escaped you in.
Would holding my hand have made it easier?
If I would have talked to you more often
Would your quality of living been better?
I do not condemn you for your actions,
For I am surprised that I survived my own turmoil,
Grazing through with nothing but a nicotine addiction
And the tendency to lay awake
When sleeping in someone else's bed.  
I am ashamed to say
That I was not by your side for your departing lessons.
Would it have made it easier if I had talked more?
If instead of repressing my worlds
I had shared them with you?
It was easy to assume that you didn't care much for me
Because you moved far away and no one knew why.
No one knew about the twenty-six year old man
Beating and threatening your gorgeous existence.
Not one of us could have come to know
The parasite growing in your guts and veins.
I remember the day when we were five,
You splashed my outfit with dark and sticky mud
And I told you that I hoped you died...
Our mothers laughed.
But the other day I saw your mother weep because my prophecy
Had come true.
The only movie I have ever seen
Depict eye make up melting accurately was the movie that played
For me as I knelt at your casket.
So I brought you a Daisy
Because there was a Rosary in your hand
I didn't want to taint.
And I prayed to the God I did not care for in that moment
That you would make it to where ever you were going
Safely at least.

I still want to hold your hand.

What the hell am I supposed to do?
With you used to be easy,
Meant for two.
Now it gets harder,
As the days drift by
We used to be so close together,
Why did you say goodbye?
She paints a pretty picture
But no one's there to see
She paints her tears on paper
And then she looks at me
I can't help her pain
I don't even try.
I just sit here crying,
As she dies inside.
I'm singing, "Oh, oh, oh"
I can feel her pain
To sacred to even stay
I tried to warn them all
But no one listened to me
They all ignored
While I had the key.
She paints a pretty picture
But no one's there to see
She paints her tears on paper
And then she looks at me
I can't help her pain
I don't even try.
I just sit here crying,
As she dies inside.
I'm singing, "Oh, oh, oh"
I can feel her pa-ain-ain
To scared to even stay
Too sacred to-
Save her life
Stop her tears,
They fell like waterfalls
That no one can hear.
Until they stopped-
She painted a pretty picture
But no one was there to see
She painted her tears on paper
And then she looked at me
I couldn't help her pain
I didn't even try.
I just sit here crying,
While she has gone to die.
Now that she is gone,
I hear her in the wind.
Endless cries of laughter,
Endless days of summer
Endless...days of...
Nothing to live for
Nothing to gain.
Now that she has gone away.
Nothing stays the same.
I paint a pretty picture.
No one's there to see,
I paint my grief on paper,
She cries down to me,
Tells me "Stop!"
As the paper turns red.
I see a figure
All dressed in white,
I see a figure,
Dancing through the night.
They paint a picture
of her and me
They turn around
And it's her I see and she's forgiven me.
Clouds of white
Blue skies below
I am with her.
Forever home.