When it comes it's like the wind, sometimes slow and calm
Other times with violent force giving no warning

My anger radiates like that inside out of my physical and mental self

You think, you the receiver of my non discriminating anger bares you the cross... the sting of agony ...

But I wear the suffering torment of my own unwelcomed affliction

I am enraged like the heat of red the founder of chilled hearts
My mind bends and bends with pain and misery that reaches the depth of me...

That part of me, even I can't see

I feel the wrath like ****** for fun
Like the monsters that breath only to see blood

I conquer this vacant passion, which I have not the strength to duel

Beelzebub sits satified, nodding and smirking as my thoughts and words curse

He's content with my blood that boils as he commands

He waits for the person who will release what his soulless soul demands

There's moments I feel my every vain full of fire, begging me to surrender and give in to Lucifer's desire

But.....

My HEART...

It still beats and the only part of me untouched by darkness, provides me the vision of what makes me human

It grants you....
Me...
Mercy

It allows me a breath

As I become some what the me that I recognize...

I am torn

What was that rush

How did I realize me

I'll sink deep into my bed

Inside my dark dark room and like a vampire I keep hidden...
Not from the light, but from you, so the furies won't be tempted to use me like the instrument which beckons your cry at my whip

I shall be me alone stable...

Alone

Harmless...

Alone

Protector of you...

Protector of me...

Alone

Away from the feelings that suffocate my heart and blind my mind

Away so I am me, sweet and loving, endlessly giving

Alone...

So I am not ALONE...

My body is a curse,
A boundry I cannot cross,
for tommorow it will be a bless,
my body is a cage,
my mind the captived one,
my body is like a prison,
for my very own soul

Why do I always rise and fall?
If everything just stops like a wall
Then maybe i could have computed it all
My soul is dropping through the floor
I can’t be crazy – I hope I’m not
But if everything would stand still
May be i could have found how lost i feel

If I go now, what will I leave?
only short lived tears is what i can feel
If that’s the price to end the pain
Then for me it’s more than worth the gain

I’ve tried to go and nearly went
Only luck was all that i could have spent
Now sadness, anger, grows over me
The grief and shame is smothering

I never thought about getting so down
Never let myself to sink so low
And when we find our thoughts lost in our mind
We start faking what we don't know

Light in the window, pale and wan
All I know is that
A light like this is eve or dawn
I don’t know or can’t believe
This shows what I can’t stand to see

It’s been so long, I just don’t know
If there’s a way out of this abyss
What happiness would mean If it can't be seen
And mean for those who stands beside of me

The books and lessons try to explain
The reasons for fear, guilt and shame
It spells it out firm and clear
That’s only me just now and I’m still here

A door is placed in front of me
I don't know if I can pass it through
I trembled with fear, I’m scared to trip
In this life like ocean,
I don't know if I can swim

One by one we build it all
Then one mistake can make it fall
Do I feel one small change in me?
Angers depth is carving inside of me

Hold on to hope, no matter what its been
Fight hard to let light in
If it gets stronger, day by day
Then I’ll survive, not turn away?

Habits learned are buried deep
Have trained my mind
with my head tilting high
To take chance and try a different way
May be something will let the sun in my day

I was lying in bed,
Staring at the ceiling,
Feeling the sun,
And listening to the waves,
For a second, everything just like it used to be.
Snacks and beer and bad movies...

There’s no reason why things are this way
Cause they are meant to stay like the same way
Don’t know why we live this way
All I can say we do it everyday


Ministers on stage speaking about change
But all I can see beggars begging isn't it strange
From the mob web of life peoples trying to escape
Cursing someone’s name for the life what they face


The sky over my head in the world under my toes
Like the same way
Some things never change at all
Sometimes we try to keep it cool
The politicians lie but we ain't a fool
To walk by few miles we ain't need a cruise
Just like that no one’s need a blade or three piece suit
To argue the truth

Don’t know why I’m saying what I say,
But I’m saying it in my own way
There’s no reason why things are this way
Cause they are meant to stay like the same way
Don’t know why we live this way
All I can say we do it everyday

It's there
Always been there
But it's far
I've been crawling

I scream for help
They look at me strange
I cry... and I cry hard
They collect the tears

I'm sick of these
I don't want to be here
I want to go
I need to go far

It's binding me
It's imprisoning
I's tiring
Help me