Why do I always rise and fall?
If everything just stops like a wall
Then maybe i could have computed it all
My soul is dropping through the floor
I can’t be crazy – I hope I’m not
But if everything would stand still
May be i could have found how lost i feel

If I go now, what will I leave?
only short lived tears is what i can feel
If that’s the price to end the pain
Then for me it’s more than worth the gain

I’ve tried to go and nearly went
Only luck was all that i could have spent
Now sadness, anger, grows over me
The grief and shame is smothering

I never thought about getting so down
Never let myself to sink so low
And when we find our thoughts lost in our mind
We start faking what we don't know

Light in the window, pale and wan
All I know is that
A light like this is eve or dawn
I don’t know or can’t believe
This shows what I can’t stand to see

It’s been so long, I just don’t know
If there’s a way out of this abyss
What happiness would mean If it can't be seen
And mean for those who stands beside of me

The books and lessons try to explain
The reasons for fear, guilt and shame
It spells it out firm and clear
That’s only me just now and I’m still here

A door is placed in front of me
I don't know if I can pass it through
I trembled with fear, I’m scared to trip
In this life like ocean,
I don't know if I can swim

One by one we build it all
Then one mistake can make it fall
Do I feel one small change in me?
Angers depth is carving inside of me

Hold on to hope, no matter what its been
Fight hard to let light in
If it gets stronger, day by day
Then I’ll survive, not turn away?

Habits learned are buried deep
Have trained my mind
with my head tilting high
To take chance and try a different way
May be something will let the sun in my day