so you made me choose
between losing myself and losing you

and I'm still here

I have some weird friends.
One is straight (though she might be bi) but loves gay people
Another can win a badminton game with her eyes closed
Yet another can break one's neck with a single chop
And don’t forget the one who has sent people to the hospital and stays composed.
And yet, I am friends with all of them!
Me, an average girl working at a coffee shop.
Friendship is a strange thing indeed.
I have experience hurt, shame, anger, bliss, and happiness. Maybe all in one day.
Friendship has me feeling many emotions.
But something I do not feel? Something it does not feed?
Loneliness.
The days of sitting alone are behind me. Now, I’m surrounded by smiles and laughs.
I am free of the chains of depression.
I can now reach out to those around me.
And I can thank it all to friendship.
Ah, friendship is a strange thing, don’t you agree?

Everyone has
A foolish friend

One who acts recklessly without thinking
One who does not defend herself, allowing rumors to spread about them
One who judges with just a look

But is a foolish friend
Really a foolish friend
When they jump in front of a bus to save you without a second thought?
When they defend you instead of themselves?
When they save you from a friendly-not-so-friendly kidnapper
By telling they are bad with a single glance?

So, is this friend really
A foolish friend?
Or are they
More than they appear?

Honestly, I was never your enemy
Sadly, you were never my friend
Foolishly, I placed my trust in someone
For whom I was a means to an end

True friendship is laughing when your friend falls before helping them up
True friendship is being allowed to criticize your friend for how they dress, but
        as soon as someone else does, you love their outfit
True friendship is knowing everything about each other (even the ***** details)
True friendship is missing them even before they're gone
True friendship is always being there, no matter what
True friendship is keeping each other in check
True friendship is understanding where you're boundaries are but pushing
        them just slightly with the goal of ******* them off
True friendship is knowing each other's emotions so well
True friendship is being able to guess what the other is going to say
True friendship is:
                            Magical
                            Amazing
                    and eXtraordinary

May 23rd, 2019

I first felt the ferrous fissures
Delivering shivering quivers
Down my spine
As each chime took the sight
Outside our present days

Then the shakes grew into tension
My naked, sobering suspension
Was left never to mention
Nor whisper what I needed to say

And when I asked you of this
You withdrew so quick
I only had time to trace the lines
Of your last escaping shadow

Holding on to tentative strings
And all the small things
You left for me to find
The same gray forests of signs
And plaintive silent ways

Designs you used to craft
And convey with clever ease
Laughter once beseeching my thoughts
Silence now haunting my dreams
These memories are now
Presently looming
Cold coniferous trees

It's not as if I can pretend
Like simply taking paper and pen
Could possibly remedy this
While I have to look down
At the ink staining my foot
Ankle and wrist

I'm convinced that I created this fate
Because in this picture frame
I'm the only one who made a mistake

You carry the hate in your heart
like it's been privileged to you

My misgivings have adopted
the persona that I imbue

I faced the other way as we faded
when you withdrew

You suffered daily
and faced this struggle alone

Claiming everybody abandoned you
and did you wrong

-But you don't lose me
Like I've told you all along


RE: August 23rd, 2021: - but now you've lost Me with the same old song

The feel of moisture
the simple thought has me soaked
like a wet rag
A drenching cloth
wanting to be dried
Drain me out
supply the pipe
pain with pleasure
tears dripping
the magnitude of
this magnificent moment is magical
thoughts of riding like a wild horse
slow but steady
bouncing up and down.
holding on tight
seeing the peak approaching in your eyes.
this new found experience
have you coming back for more

This is for the seekers
The ones who meet
In the Great Big Nothingness
That has replaced our heads
I love you with understanding
And that is my favorite kind

This is for the ones
Who smoke and drink with gusto
After months in the cave
Who laugh as long as they cry
And do both so much of both
It all mixes together

For those who derive meaning
From the fact that there is none
Who set fire to their home
Just to see the moon
I love you with understanding
And that is my favorite kind

Let play a game
You plunge the sharpest parts
of your brain
Directly into mine
And I'll do the same
For you

Next, let's swap hearts
our darkest parts
We’ll tremble and sway
Groan but won't pray
Just hold space
Just stay

It feels the same when I'm alone
And when you are watching
It's more exciting than God
That's it, that I, the shine behind your eyes
I love you with understanding,
and that's my favorite kind