I didn’t mean to hurt you
when I hurt myself . . .

I didn’t mean to cause you
any of this . . .
because, nobody should have to deal
with this . . .

but, can I ask you this?
have your wounds healed
cause, mine still haven’t.

I-I-I-I mean don’t get me wrong,
I do, indeed, hate that you’re hurting
but, see . . .
it’s nice to finally have someone around
who understands . . .

perhaps, that’s why I did it.
confessed all those things to you,
told you everything on my mind
knowing my mind is not one
that is meant to ALWAYS be shared
because of the damage
it is capable of doing . . .

I knew my strength,
I knew my weakness, too,
but I knew it’s strength, as well,
and I did nothing to stop it cause -
- WAIT NO YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND . . . !

I didn’t stop it cause I love you.

no, wait, I love your presence!
I don’t really know what it means to love
a person. I love things. I’m used to things.
These things have become my home.
These things, they become my friends when I’m alone . . .


I just wish you could understand . . .

i almost want to laugh at how much i wanted you
sleepless nights. countless.
wondering if I was even a thought on your mind.
if ever the possibility of us fluttered with one beat.
544 days
even if it was for a split second, in a prayer or a curse
you were there. marring everything that i'd built

*
it's funny. He always gives us what we need.
all i needed was something to sully this fabricated sustenance that i wanted so badly to believe in
&
here it is.

I cant fathom the "outness" of this
Like the world is a monster crushed under my fist
Spitting lines of
Cranium
5
Not enough sustanance to keep you alive
Dont look back when
The doors are closed
Im brave, but not courageous
Im the only one that knows
A vanity may be broken
And little am I open
To disappointment
I am disappointment
I am
Not sure
Where this is going
My head
Is flowing
Into a sand dune
But thats okay
I may just sit
And watch the full moon

Do you ever find yourself wishing you could start over?
Do you yearn for the moments you never took advantage of?
Oh, how I wish I could relive the past so I could become a better me,
So I wouldn’t have to learn the hard way of living (if you can even call it that).

What exactly is living?
Whatever it is, I know I have never experienced it.
Because if I did, I would have been so much happier,
And would have felt like it too.

But as I sit here without a doubt in my mind,
That somewhere out there is thinking the same thing,
I can’t help but wonder if this is all life has to offer.
Just a box full of chocolates, spoken affections and the roses you didn’t think you would have to pick up after.

But the petals give me comfort because they didn’t enjoy this either.
It’s not like they love to be cut down only to suffer for one’s affections for another.
I guess we are all roses stuck in our vases,
Who just want to get out and feel the fresh air that the world has to offer.

All we need is just a little nurturing,
And a small packet of food we can enjoy in the meantime,
To grow and become a better flower,
Like all are expected to be once selected.

And once we are picked, trimmed and primed to perfection,
We can fill the room with our scent of beauty,
Something only some can appreciate,
Like everything else in the world.

Remember what it's like to be a person.
Remember that people only want to be loved and validated.

Remember what it feels like to make a life long friend in twenty minutes by simply picking up our instruments and playing the first thing that comes to our heads.
Remember when that song is over and you forget how to play it immediately.
Remember knowing you will never have that moment again,
creating a painting of an experience in your mind forever.

Remember when the song is over and you play a new one.

remember what it's like to attempt to use keyboard shortcuts when writing freely and recognizing how accustomed to my surroundings I am.

Remember what it's like to be a person.
Remember that people only want to be loved and validated.

she runs a blade
along the side of truth
tearing seams to separate
the situation from semantics

tossing context
so I am nothing more
than a consequence
of bad behaviour,
an example of pain’s twisted path

reduced from a person
to a speed bump,
slowing her life plan

a hangnail on the hand
that feeds

People ask me if I'm that one boy,
Who writes poetry so often and quietly.
And I tell them no because quite frankly,
I don't want them to know unless they inspire me.

If my heart doesn't melt,
At the sight of their face,
If I don't realize I've never felt,
My emotions this way,
Then they shouldn't have to know,

Because I wish I could say I care,
But I ultimately don't.
Sorry if that's not fair,
But I still won't,

Reveal my own feelings,
To someone who can't understand.
They can't give me healing,
But they still lend their hand.

But they can't comprehend,
That's not what I need.
What I want is to end,
All the things,

Making me mad,
Turning me crazy.
Not things that are sad,
Just coping with waiting.