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hijack a spaceship . . .
yeah, that should do it . . .

that’ll get me back to where I need to be;
just go as ‘up’ as possible . . .
cause, truly, I’m from up there, not down here.

but, not like heaven, or anything just . . up THERE! like, up there . . . like, space n stuff? I’m from somewhere in “outer space”.

first, I write the goodbye letters . . .
naaahh that’ll take too long, gotta get outta here NOW. so, we skip the letters, right? yeah, I think they’ll know “goodbye” when they see it . . .
secondly, (and you would think this step would include something like, “do research on how to operate a spaceship” but, see, there’s no logic in this place so, I might as well play along, right?) just report right on over to NASA, stealthily, blending in for a bit then
BAM, step C, I’m in the spaceship. And I’m the only one in the spaceship . . . I’m pushing all types of buttons n stuff and, somehow . . . it fires up . . .

that was it;
signing off . . .
Do I even want to participate in life anymore? I contemplate, not killing myself, but disappearing. I swear I could summon something to come into my life and just take over my soul. Ok, not really. . .I just have no clue what to write about anymore. And, man, I gotta tell ya, as a writer (and I know that’s a lot of commas), this is like the lowest of low. To write is my only job. It’s supposed to be my passion. And, to see that I’m too drugged out and not educated enough to have a steady flow of intelligent ideas to share with the world to make it better for the next generations, it just hurts my soul. But not really, cause I’m high. I can’t really tell or feel that I’m in pain until I’m off the drugs and out of money. My two highs. Drugs and money. What happened to the guy who wanted to achieve a happy and content life without those things as a necessity. . .? Where’d he go? The real Hippie Steve. You wanna claim to be this peaceful and cool guy who thinks logically and morally yet intelligently. Yet, you still fall into the same habits as those around you that you complain about on a daily basis. You are no better than the next guy. And, though you already know this, you do not act like it. It’s ridiculous just how neglectful you’ve been to your own health. Mental and physical. For what? For the high to keep going? What kind of a high is it? Tell yourself, tell me, what is it that you are working towards? What is it that you’re close to achieving? What is it that you are on track to finish? Besides a slow and ingratiating death, what else have you promised for yourself in this life? NOT A **** THING! And that needs to change! Stop talking about it. Take some writing courses online and do some writing exercises. Think outside the box. Create the app. Create a portfolio for freelance writing. Create your own ****!!! So you can work on your own and hire people and invest and all that fancy ****. Just go do it.
seeking comfort in depressed times;
yes, this is how I speak to myself, on occasion.
felt necessary.
feels like it helped.
Carl Webb II Dec 2018
how do insecurities creep inside
at our most powerful moments?

how does weakness get through power?
is it not just weakness?

how does sunshine get through rain?
well, is it not just sunshine?

can rainy times not provide a bit of power?
is it not, still, just a little rain?

is it not, still, just a little aitch-two-oh?
do we not, still, need it to survive?

does the rain just not provide?
does the sunshine not provide, too?

do we not need both to stay alive?

again, I will ask you,
how does weakness get through power?

is it not still weakness?
is it not still power over all?
are they both not necessary?
do we not need both of them together?

maybe 'why' would be the better.

why does weakness get through power?
does it not know . . . how to be a
weakness?
what?

no, why, why does the weakness have the
ability to push its way through walls of power?
that's not possible! . . . right?
how??

yes, how, how does the weakness have
the strength to stop the power from doing its job . . .
how does it know what to do to counteract power, at will?
is it not just weakness, still?

is it not just weakness . . . still . . .
why does weakness have the power . . . ?

yes, why does the weakness have power . . .
how does the weakness devour . . .
how can the weakness be wolfish . . .
how can the weakness over power . . .

how can the "weak" get through the "powerful" . . . I ask you . . .

[tbc]
I cannot help but compare people to plants.

We are born,
Blooming throughout our lives
We sow seeds and bear fruit.

Like trees,
We take root spreading far and wide
And yet we wither and die in the same soil

Even still,
The flower petals dance through the sky
And our greatest adventure continues.
Carl Webb II Dec 2018
unparalleled level of questioning.
skeptical devil deceptively
deviating from the ******,
the spectrum of fools.
'tis destiny's rule
to seek answers
to questions
for lessons
and tools.
Carl Webb II Dec 2018
no longer adapting to the world
and feeling trapped inside this person.
figure me as what I am,
but what they see
is someone hurting.
silly me,
it's so discerning:
seeing me
in front of curtains.
feeling trapped inside this person.
open windows.
I am hurting.

jump my tears away.
(I'll jump my fears away)

in hopes of learning.
no love here for they
will not adhere;
will just add fear to play.
but, no place here today.
so, I just . . . mm . . .
so, I'm just here to stay . . .
Carl Webb II Nov 2018
step one is think but not too much,
think only enough to move the body,
think only enough to guide
but not too much.
allow the mind
the time to find
itself before you
let it take control of you

step two is think but not too much,
think only enough to still the being,
think only enough to still the urge
but not too much.
allow the body
the freedom
to fall
in forms
it feels
but don't forget
to feel your way

step three is here
you must instill
in order to heal
you must adhere
in order to hear
you must not chase the thrill of rush
but long for sakes of betterment.
what is concealed will slowly reveal,
just follow the steps until
it's time to breathe . . .

step four is breathe,
and breathe as deeply
as the atmosphere allows
and let the astral air
assemble your arousal . . .
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