How the earth forgets;
Muddy trench bled to green,
Blood bloomed to blossoms
Fragrant with dreams,
Deaf to screams and unaccustomed
To the sudden end -
Theirs is the slow droopy sleep
Of going away,
Settling on graves of bedded leaves
And mossy softness,
No scars or sharpness,
No squeals and sirens and sadness.
Their grief bittersweet, as lovely as willows weep.

How the earth forgets
Turns wincingly from the messy madness
That dug with gnarly fingers
And crushed with heavy blows.
All exposed and bleeding
Roots cut like tendons and teeming life
Extinguished
How it let's it leak away,
a slow tomorrow always softening the soil,
Always knitting at the wounds
Till the abused and beaten
Rises in the aftermath
And no trace remains,
No stain
Only the beautiful shaking off of yesterday
And all of its mistakes

I apologize to myself for holding myself
     back even though I know what I’m truly capable of
I apologize to myself for making
     myself cry at night
I apologize to myself for
     treating my body like a
     dumpsite for garbage instead
     of a temple highly regarded
I apologize to myself for making
     myself smaller so that others can feel bigger
I apologize to myself for choosing to see
     what’s lacking in me and not
     celebrating everything I have that makes  
     me beautifully me
I apologize to myself for speaking harsh words like:
     𝘠𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘶𝘨𝘭𝘺
     𝘠𝘰𝘶’𝘭𝘭 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵
     𝘠𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘢 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘶𝘳𝘦
But choose to tell other people:
     𝘠𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘪𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘶𝘭
     𝘠𝘰𝘶’𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵
     𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘭𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘥𝘦𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶
           because you of all people
           know how it’s like to be the villain in
           your own story and don’t want
           others to feel the same.
Oh, to wish well for
     others and not wish on
     my own stars first. . .
I apologize to myself for giving love to others
     but not give that same love back to myself.

                                      -- I will accept my apologies and forgive
                                          myself so that I may learn
                                          how to love myself properly

My mother and her mother,
(four generations of mothers to be exact)
All conceived children They didn't want,
because They couldn't bear the alternative.

My sister and I are the only two who survived.
The intergenerational resentment
that is cast among each woman in our family
who decides to carry the burden of their unwanted child.

My mother loves us as much as she is capable-
Just like her mother and mothers mother before her.

Birthed into four generations of hurt,
that longed for acceptance and love that only a mother could give.
But each mother couldn't.

It took four generations of women and their pain
and longingness for love,
to create two women who are full of nothing but love
and are hungry to give it to the world

(we forgive you, because it's all you've known)

I witnessed some things,
saw the worst in people.
It made me stop
believing in the best of them.

I was drowned with lies
that stabbed me like a knife.
A huge chunk of me died,
and a cynic I've become.

But then an angel was sent to give me His Word:
Told me to get up--
--and that everything mercurial
must go.

Yes I was left in this hurt;
left me there standing
with this casket,
and this curse

But I was also left with a seed
that has been enriching my purpose,
empowering me with the God-given strength
to forgive


-c.s.

Don't burn a bridge
What if it hurts more than a smidge?

Don't throw the baby out with the bath water
Don't understand why you act like such a rotter...

Don't throw away ***** water looking for clean
Why were you so mean?

The grass isn't greener on the other side
Why do you keep wounding my pride?

Just forgive and forget, move on
I still feel like a pawn

Time heals all ills
Your words still give me the chills

Silence is golden
When will I no longer feel beholden?

So many empty phrases, trite words
Do not perfume over these turds