It was the next day
after I saw her walking down the hall
with pain still etched on her face
that my anger began to give way to remorse
the erosion of my ego
together with an almost divine spark of mercy
finally led me to seek her out, face her,
and say “I’m sorry honey for raising my voice to you.”
She looked at me, the tension in her face gone,
smiled and said, “I’m sorry too.”
At that moment we were together
in a small peaceful, glorious
and powerful
space in the universe.

What is this Love?
This glorious mercy from above:
This life He gives
So I can live
How can I not worship fore’er?
O read and see—the Lord is here.

What is this Cross?
His love in fullness there displayed
So I can say
That e’en today
I have a home eternally
O read and see—the Lord is free.

What is this Tomb?
The reason He was in the womb:
To bleed and die
So He could buy
Us all back from our own dark graves
O read and see—the Lord, He saves.

What is this Day:
This day He rose and left the grave?
Let the world know
His love o’erflow?
How can I not tell all the world?
O read and see—the Lord, He serves.

What is this Love?
This glorious mercy from above:
This life He gives
So I can live
How can I not worship fore’er?
O read and see—the Lord is here.

I am a sinner...
Yet You love me anyway,
I lay my worries, my woes and my fear at Your feet,
For You know all of me,
I have nothing to hide,
So I hold nothing back,
I give myself to You completely
For You to do with as You wish,
Show me the way,
Guide me,
Lead me,
For I put my trust in You,
And I am ready Lord

i'm down on myself a lot.
i don't take pity, i take punches.
grab the wall and lean into my emotions, smash through the anger, the self hatred.
that barrier i build around me to fend off (protect?) others only breeds a battle ground inside myself. i need to learn how to break free without breaking me.

i'm still learning how to let go, to forgive

myself

I loathe you
Even moreso, I loathe that I loathe you
Love is what you need, love from me
Why can't I give you that which you seek?
Just a little love would help you climb that peak
I know your heart is well-meaning
I know your past is behind you
I know those chains were broken and that little love-
That little bit of love would let you leave them behind.
So why is it that I can't love you?
Why do I have trouble forgiving you?
God forgave you as He forgives me
So why do I wish for you to suffer?
I look upon you every day and see your eyes filled with pain
Upon that fallen countenance, I gaze with great disdain
I see you're trying and I'm cheering
But even as I cheer, I know I hold you back
There's one final question I must ask of thee
I ask it every day, and I know I'll ask it again before you die...
...why must you be me?