I thought everything is fine.
Closing my eyes to wake up in another world of dream.
When I feel hopeless than there is always an icecream.
People around me talking the hell out of them.
Nothing is calm everything is lame.
But, I have reason to smile and some sort of hope.
Everything is going in Loop.
But, you are the new melody which struck in my nerves..
Sometimes this melody, I don't deserve.
But, when you try to leave, my heart pull the strings to stop you.
Now please turn back and simply it.
I want to say something.
I want you to wait.
Is it same way around?, the question arises.
But, when you turn back.
I knew there is hope that doesn't die.
You wait for my silence.
I wait for my words.
Than I thought, I shouldn't keep you waiting.
I smile, you nod.
But something is incomplete.
I think melodies are meant to be incomplete.
Let's complete it tomorrow probably.
But....

I know I shouldn’t. Logic wages a steady battle, reason standing firm, but desire roars louder, wild and relentless. If you were to so much as text me, my fingers would fly to the notification before my heart could catch its rhythm, answering without a moment’s pause. That soft glow of a message lighting up my dark room would feel like it’s illuminating my soul, flooding me with a dangerous kind of pleasure. If you called, I’d only pause to steady my breath, to mask the trembling in my voice, the longing hidden in that first fragile “hello.” Every word I speak would slip through the cracks of the dam I’ve tried so hard to build, spilling out in a stream of quiet yearning. I know I shouldn’t, but you’ve always had this way of unraveling me. You’re the melody I can’t forget, the gravity that holds me no matter how far I try to stray. And if you wanted me, I’d be yours again, without question, without hesitation. Over and over, for eternity.

Astra memories play forth in my head.
Star showers create endless wishes.
Plasmoid cycle their cosmic colors.
Seraphic tones turn into ethereal melodies.

Celestial trails in the dark wilderness.
Empyrean trees drop their light leaves.
Transcendental visuals of the night heavens.
Diaphanous veils of tranquilly allow my eyes to see.

Sheer emotion alloy.
Paradisiacal vessel of the expanding universe.
Expedition of endless wonder.
Fathomless destinations to reach.

I've never been able to see tomorrow
before it comes.
And yet, somehow, every time I look at you,
it almost seems like I can see forever.
Forever scares me though,
for I know it's not real.
In the end, I choose to embrace it.
Because everyone has blindspots.

it’s like I am reborn into confidence
drowning in my butterflies
feeling like I could run for miles
or maybe take my chance at flight

it’s like I am covered in warm blankets
and never hot enough to sweat
while snow clumps cling to trees outside
and I’m finally breathing air that’s fresh

it’s as if the world is completely changed
and there is nothing left to regret,
and I can finally breathe out calm air
and lay all my burdens to rest

it’s as if all things have disappeared
and the only things left are us,
but instead of feeling immensely lonely
I feel nothing except for your love

there’s nothing quite like my love for you
there’s nothing quite like your love for me;
thank you God for something so beautiful
thank you God, this was not supposed to be
and now I’m radiant in my care for her
and now I’m lost in a pleasant dream

it’s like commitment was never easier
it’s like love flows from bottomless fountains
it’s like I’m maturing in what love is
it’s like thankfulness and love is boundless-

How beautiful a smile can be
Why ever did you choose me?
A vast ocean of better men, yet you chose me, the sea

The sea barely clear, yet all you hear
Is a symphony that brings you to tears
One you go to, with all doubts and fears, one that you call home, one you call “Here”

You call yourself a cloud yet you shine over me
Even in bad weather you gleam
How  could someone be so self conscious, when they are the reason I am a being

Even now, barely a being
I become by seeing you
Gibberish to you now yes, but to the future, I couldn't be ever so closer

One day I'll call out your name
And you’ll turn around in tears
I’d have learnt to walk, you’d never be the same
Every fear you have now must feel pathetic in the future


How free you must feel, when you look into my eyes
How clear you head must be when you look into the skies and think of me

A soul sourced by forever
decides
if my humanity really does
matter.

"Next patient, please!"  the night nurse says, hair red and teased
she takes one look at me and says "you're barely in one piece... you're right for coming to the Hospital for broken hearts, sweetie- you'll be seen in a minute, fill out these forms and have a seat"

The papers ask for his name and the color of his eyes
it asks when I knew I loved him and if I knew how much he'd lie
it asks me to tell them in detail the first time I touched him and I think about how it was his thigh- it's hard to read the questions when these tears are blurring my eyes- looking at what I've written... I can't believe this is the same guy

The wounds I have are so severe
you would think I got them from falling ten stories swinging from a chandelier
and when the doctors ask me "how exactly did this happen?" with nothing in their eyes but fear
I'll say "I fell in love with a boy, he said he'd make me a wife and a mother and we'd grow old together over the years"
but their eyes will soften, they'll put down the machine that makes them say "clear!" and say "oh sweetheart, you fell for the oldest trick in the book and the smoke in the mirror"

and as I'm being stitched back together
I'll think of how I truly did want to be with you forever
I'll think of all the ways you could've been better and all the times I lost my temper
I'll think of the rising and falling of our chests and all the pleasure
and how it was so hot it smoldered like embers
I'll think of when it was just me and you- or at least try to remember.

solution trickling intravenously like these memories of whispers and fingertips touching my skin in the dark
memories of  how even when given all the answers we'd still miss the mark
wishing I could pick up the phone and call Florida and ask to speak to Kathryn Stark
wishing we could go back to that night in August when we first kissed in the park

The doctor just left, I got my diagnosis
I covered my ears because I wasn't ready to know it
we will never move as two and one again smoothly like osmosis

I was told  I will never recover to ever be strong enough to be your lover, and in a fraction of a second I felt every cell in me start to rupture

There is no ifs or when
now all that's left is thoughts said in pasted tense
all that's left between us is talking about "back then"

I'll disappear into the ether from whence I came
but please don't forget my smile, my laugh, the way my hair smelled or how you kissed me in the rain and also please don't forget the flame that kept us plenty warm for 1,946 days

Look into my eyes,
Oh, profess your love to me.
Vow and make me yours for all,
Eternity.