Pain is not you leaving but me leaving me.

Letters returned to sender
my heart in the blender
fingers burned
lesson learned!

Trace your silhouette
And I'll trace mine--toned darkness--
I fall in your lines,

But I don't need saving; your
Valleys are the peaks of mine.

I think back to our first moments together.
Sneaking eyes under flower crowns and balloons.
Looking across crowds of people for you subconsciously,
noticing you noticing me noticing you.
To look back on that time tinges everything with a vintage haze,
like viewing the history before something monumental.
Each person holding their breath and each step bringing us closer
to everything.
I want to go back to the first time I asked myself "what if it's us?";
the first time I truly saw you for everything that you could grow to mean to me.

maybe I saw her
at the laundromat
and just missed her,
I was looking for a change,
while she walked
away.

Talking with the boys on that cold January morning
Never did I know it would turn into me adoring you
Your short *****, blonde hair
Wondering who you are
And your sweet genuine, gentle smile
Making my heart race into a million miles

We’d chat after school
I’m feeling nervous, fumbling like a fool
I remember those old happy days
Where we would be on the playground
Never have I felt like this before
Making my heart want to soar

Never have I ever wanted someone like you before
Your steel blue eyes
As I’m starting to get a high
Your oversized cranberry red hoodie
Wondering what could be

Wanting to be with you was never enough
Was I ever enough

Flash forward twenty years now pass
Now I’m a mess
You chose the other woman
I never was chosen
Love you, to the moon and back
All I wanted was your feedback
Feeling mentally unstable
Your face will always be like an angel

Roses bloom for you
Everyone adores you
You were my safety zone
Now you’re making me now feel all alone
As I fantasized of us rolling around in your navy blue bed sheets
You were only mine just to loose.

Ever thine. But never mine or ours.