if i fall in love with you,, your name will forever be embroidered in my mind like that time when you had your first kiss. with someone who wasn't me.

if i fall in love with you,, i will constantly feel the heat rising to my cheeks when i'm not even remotely close to you,, but when you glance in my direction. probably not even looking at me. like when its hot outside and you can feel your whole body getting warm.

if i fall in love with you,, you should feel like you won a prize. no,, a gold medal. because my ******* trust issues barely ever let me trust people meanwhile fall in love with them.

if i fall in love with you,, you should feel like you got the last pretzel at the pretzel stand. because i am someone who doesn't date. who doesn't fall in love. who doesn't like people.

if you fall in love with me,, i won't believe you. because my insecurities come into play. my trust issues come into play. i have so many ******* problems that i'll think that once you see behind the mask i put on,, on. a day to day basis you'll leave me. and i dont need to be left again.

if you fall in love with me. if i fall in love with you. do not use me. do not leave me with no reason behind it. please dont get offended by what i say,, 99.9 percent chance im kidding when i say it.

if you fall in love with me. if i fall i love with you. be loyal. be honest,, even if it hurts. be kind. show sympathy. be a nice person. deal with my sarcasm and bitchiness.  deal with me.

.

The unknown depths call out to me
promising oceans of tranquility,
so let me slip down silently
'neath the waves of a midnight sea.
Addicted to this supplicant swoon,
witnessed only by the waxing moon,
the descent into a liquid room,
as Sirens wail their plangent tune.
Surfing out the softest of tides,
'pon the crest of love my being rides,
to where the deepest of feelings reside.
I sink with ease most graciously.
So let me slip down silently
'neath the waves of a midnight sea.


© Pagan Paul (04/02/18)

Fear itself
in its most addicting form.

When I was hurting, you were there. You didn't even know you were mending a broken heart. Your touch, your time, your attention... the way you showed me you cared. I was difficult at first but you taught me I no longer had to have fear. I could no longer fight it. A year ago, I never thought you'd be someone special to me today, at first I couldn't see... but you gave me sight. I can trust again, I might even can love again... but only with you.