shattered glass slipping down
throats as if they were words
we forgot to say
right before we never saw one another again
you were my world and
so much of you had left me empty
suddenly i'm doing better because well
there's someone out there who might love me
better than you ever could've
i know you loved me with your heart
but damage is damage
i'm sorry that you think
things won't be okay and i'm
sorry you'll crash
because i wasn't there to catch you
but you're so young
and i'm going to hurt you
i don't want to come back
maybe we can be friends in the next life
i'm just praying someone holds me the next time
i have the urge to call you
last time i fell in love
i puked my guts out
trying to contort myself into
someone i never should've been
im different now
im falling in love again
i think im not sure
things have been so twisted for me
im not really sure what love is
but i hope you're good to me
it'd be nice to hold your hand again
We came in close and so fast
I wondered who was
In orbit around who
When in actuality
We encircled each other.
You wore copper eyeshadow
And I still think it's the most beautiful thing you've ever worn
Your hair was so lovely
You claimed you never needed to brush it
Because I would always run my hands through it anyways.
You had dimples and reminded me
Of some forgotten lullaby.
I wish you sang me to sleep.
Down to it and practical
I don't know how we ever fit,
Seeing as I'm in the clouds
And you're firm in the ground.
We can't reach each other
The distance is sometimes too much.
You loved me before you knew me
And that was a mistake
Because I was in a bad place
And I only brought you
I'm sorry honey.
So I chucked plans and list
Out the window for you,
Did you even want it?
Or did you want my tally marked heart?
We can live
Together far away
From all these disappointments."
But I didn't want to leave,
Because if I left, I'd never stop drifting.
You didn't like my answer.
Things with you were so so backwards
I asked you to be mine
I bought you flowers
I kissed first
But I love
I could look at the star streaked sky
While you pushed the swing higher
But I left
Because your permanence scared me
I apologize for disappearing
We haven't met yet
In this romantic dance
But I hope you have a wonderful heart
If you're reading this
Or if you read it one day
I would just like to hold your hand
And tell you how beautiful you are
I don't need much
Just a chance
planets love and all that jazz
i just want to be the person you write poetry about.
not even good poetry.
the poetry of 1 AM text messages
that try to spell out love in sloppy metaphors about stars and eyes
the poetry that swells up in your throat while you're tired so when you speak it into my voice mail it's just "you're so beautiful and wow i'm so in love with you"
the poetry of rearranged letter magnets on the refrigerator
the poetry of small notes in jackets,
half rhymed abandoned words you scribble out between classes and forget in your backpack.
i want to be the person you spend hours scratching your head, tugging at your hair
trying to frame "you're so amazing and i'm waiting for you to realize i think you're so special" into beautiful flowing words.
i'm just saying
write me poetry and i will dance
like dust on your tabletops
glimmering in the light of the sun
you think you'd learn a thing or two
about not playing with open fire
because there are matchsticks
where your bones should be
your veins run with gasoline and you're an honest to God
walking wildfire waiting to burn itself to the ground.
A body that flickers to life at the touch of a hand
because my darling,
you've been dead for so long
and there are spikes ready to ignite under your skin
if you would just hold yourself
you're rooftops at sunset and empty classrooms and
the way early May poetry tastes on lips
But it's September now and the sky has been crying for the past few days
But that's alright, many find comfort in the rain
Even cloudy, you're still the sun
one time he and i were sitting in bed and i said "where do you feel stuff?" and he said "what do you mean?" and i said "here is anxiety," and i pointed to my bottom ribs where the glass in my body starts.
he pointed to his throat "it's here for me."
i keep anger in my calves, he holds it in his hands.
i feel sadness in my lungs, he feels it in his stomach. we play this game until we come to love and i realize i'm terrified (jugular) of what might come.
what if it's not the same, what if he feels it somewhere else. what if it's just a flash fire not a slow burn, what if it's congealing in one place instead of radiating.
i try to change topics (flight response: jaw) and he takes my hands and puts them over his ribs.
"i feel love everywhere. like the sun is trying to escape me, like i'm being consumed and it's filling up all the parts where i used to be empty."
i say "don't be ridiculous, humans are 99% empty space." i nervous laugh (my glass ribs break) and I shift awkwardly, like i always do when i'm uncomfortable (legs)
"everywhere" he repeats and he holds his gaze with mine.
in his image
it would be
a shame not
to think of it